Does the head ever stop talking?

Smoking in England

2007-07-01T23:27:00.000-05:00

This article is silly.
Besides the obvious comments ("You're in a BAR for Christ's sake! It's not like you're there to be healthy.") I had problems with this bit:

"England snuffed out smoking in bars, workplaces and public buildings on Sunday in what campaigners said was the biggest boost to public health since the creation of the National Health Service in 1948.

The legislation is designed to protect people from the effects of second-hand smoke at work, which doctors estimate kills more than 600 people a year."

(Emphasis mine)

The biggest boost since the creation of that agency only saves 600 people a year, maybe?

What douchebags.

OMFG. Guys and Dolls.

2007-06-25T09:33:00.001-05:00

So Lady Head and I were flipping around after John From Cincinnatti and during the commercials during Ice Road Truckers and found the most disturbing, yet intriguing show ever.
It's called Love me, Love my Doll and it's really freaky. IT's on BBC America.
Basically it's about these men who have these $10K life-like dolls that they have relationships with instead of real women. They take them places, have sex with them, etc.

I really don't know how to describe it. I'd also advise not to be high when you watch it.

Hugh Jackman sucks as Wolverine.

2007-06-22T11:58:00.000-05:00

Yep, super timely post here.
Screw you, anyways I was watching one of the X-Men movies the other day. Something about Jackman's Wolverine always bothered me. It's his running. First off, he runs like a sissy. Second, this is Wolverine who's all rage-filled and whatnot. He should be lunging at you out of control and crash right into you. Not stutter-stepping into you. In the second movie when he goes all raging at the SWAT team in the mansion there's a scene where he's charging some of the commandos. He's doing this pussified yell while running at them. He's running while standing straight up and down and he pulls up at the end before he slashes. Twatariffic!
In the 3rd movie he does something similar in the forest when that guy is throwing shit at him. At least here he slams into the guy but when he's running he's deflecting shit with his claws while doing his fast babysteps.
Get some friggin' wires on him or something.

Also, Wolverine shouldn't be attractive. Women should not be turned on by him with his shirt off.

Man, that was an incredibly geeky post. I'm going to kick my own ass now.

Hell's Kitchen

2007-06-19T10:16:00.000-05:00

Good Lord, I am turning intosome kind of monster.
I remember bitching to people "What kind of douchebag watches that show? It's just some asshole yelling."
Well, I was in a rut since many of my shows - 24, The Shield, etc. are done for the year. So I was flipping around last week and figured that I could entertain myself yelling at what a stupid show it is.
Well, I like it. WTF is wrong with me?

I think it's like Sex and the City - I liked that show and still have no idea why.

Help me.

Important thoughts

2007-05-03T19:37:00.000-05:00

1. For James Bond, I like Daniel Craig's build in Layer Cake better than his build in Casino Royale. He was a little too bulky for Bond.

2. Tonight we had steaks and baked potatoes. Lady Head and I were discussing out sour cream situation. We didn't have any. So she says "Well, we have plain yogurt."
That's fucking hilarious.

3. Looking at #1 about Daniel Craig's build, I'm wondering if that means I'm somewhat gay.

Heat Redux

2007-03-01T15:41:00.000-06:00

OK, I know I already made a post on that part in Heat that pisses me off. But I watched it again recently and it still pisses me off - even more so if possible.

For those of you that haven't seen it stop reading.

Anyways, besides De Niro's and Pacino's mega-overacting the part where De Niro and his crew have broken into that warehouse-ey type building and are drilling the safe pisses me off to no end. Pacino (the cop) is sitting outside watching De Niro as lookout and they know the entire crew is inside robbing the place. Pacino's got ye olde SWAT team there and they are going to take down this group of violent master criminals. Of course one of the douchey, played-by-a-waiter-who-called-his-whole-family-to-talk-about-his-big-
break-even-though-it's-a-bit-part SWAT guys accidentally makes a noise in the SWAT van and spooks De Niro who calls the whole thing off. That's all fine. The part that enrages me is then the SWAT commander's all "Let's take them" and Pacino's all "Blah blah blah, we've got nothing, blah blah blah, just breaking and entering, blah blah blah, misdemeanor, blah blah blah, let them go."

Now, I'm no lawyer but here's half-a-dozen violent felons with long rap sheets of doing this crap and a bunch of drills and shit at 1am in a warehouse where they punched the lock. Hmmm, I wonder what you do need for them to get into trouble.

Gah! How the fuck did nobody have a problem with that scene when they were making the movie.

Nice job, Pacino's character. All your cop buddies would still be alive if you didn't fuck this up.

I also remember saying in the last, pretty much identical post, that Burt Reynolds' Heat was a better Heat than this Heat. I still stand by that.

Michael Mann sucks. I did like Thief however.

Damn you Burger King!

2007-02-23T09:06:00.000-06:00

So I missed lunch yesterday due to work and, since Lady Head was going to a wine tasting, I was on my own for dinner. Lady Head hates Burger King (yeah, I know, how the hell did we end up married?) so it was a prime opportunity for me to reconnect with my old friend. I've been innundated with those midget constructuin worker commercials so the clear choice was the quad stacker. Four beef patties, four slices of cheese, bacon, and no veggies to be found. Perfection.

Or so I thought. Let me tell you something. If you eat something from BK called the quad stacker, when you're done you should feel like you're going to die. I finished the value meal and thought to myself - "I could probably eat another one of those). See, the commercials make you think that it's 4 whopper patties, but it turns out it's the lame regular burger patties. I mean, we're talking the same order of magnitude of those little ass McDonald's double cheesburgers, maybe a double quarterpounder with cheese.

Ash-hole - who called me a chomacheg for assuming that it had the whopper patties and still ordered it - had the brilliant idea of ordering a triple whopper and seeing if they could add another patty to it. ow that would be what the quad stacker should be.

Trip report to follow...

Spring cleaning

2007-02-06T14:01:00.000-06:00

Well, it's about that time again. You know, clear out the pipes. This time I'm going to try magnesium citrate. I heard it's basically an all-day poop-a-thon. The plan was for last weekend but I wasn't feeling well on Friday and it was Grandma's last night with us. She came in for a month to provide daycare for Baby Head. It was a good visit. I predicted that I'd have been ready to throw her out after a week or two but I actually didn't want her to go.
Anyways, with regards to the magnesium citrate - Details to follow...

The cardigan is taking over my brain!

2007-01-30T09:12:00.000-06:00

So, The Head has been dressing better recently. Sportcoats, sweaters, etc.
I was actually voted best dressed in my lab - which has never happened in any group larger than one.
Anyhoo, all in all I think it was going OK for the most part. Problem is, recently I've kind of got a Spiderman-Venom thing going where the clothes are affecting my brain.
A couple of examples:

The other day from work I was driving home while listening to fucking NPR! WTF?
Remember how much I love NPR?
(to be fair it was a segment on geriatric lifers in prison - I challenge you not to listen to it)

Second, I was picking up a sportcoat from Brooks Brothers the other day. One of the old ladies that works there (the one I don't like so much) says "I can get your coat, what's the name it's under?" I tell her my last name. So, I'm buying other shit from a guy there and she comes up to me and says "Here you go Sam." First thing that pops into my brain is "Shit lady, who the fuck is Sam?" Seriously, that coat costs like a week's salary for me. Is it too much to call me Mr.? And I told her my last name - she had to put effort in to call me my first name.

Sheesh. I'm turning into an arrogant asshole. (well, more of one)

I'm back

2007-01-28T09:09:00.000-06:00

OK jerks, I'm back. Have a new job and new baby.

Now on to the important stuff.

I saw Smokin' Aces yesterday. I was really annoyed by Ben Affleck in it. He plays this bail bondsman who's hanging out in a pool hall drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. He's got this shitty mustache, a paperboy hat, and a 70's looking shirt. Your typical low-life type character. Problem is - he's got gleaming white teeth! I mean ridiculously bright. Annoyed me the whole fucking movie.

Jason Bateman was fantastic though.

Bite-sized

2006-07-10T13:10:00.000-05:00

So Lady Head and I are watching The Wire which we got from netflix.
Awesome show. I have no idea how this one slipped by me.

Well, this is not a review. I love the show - watch it.

There.

Now to the point. Another one of my pet peeves is how they show people eating and drinking on film. It's ridiculous. Older movies I can understand because you can imagine it's a carryover from the theater where you had to make those exaggerated movements to let the audience in the cheap seats see it(see Paul Newman in The Hustler for an example of this.)

But there was a horrible scene in the first season (maybe first episode) of the wire. (I was less enthusiastic for the first couple episodes anyways). So these drug dealers are sitting in the project's courtyard talking about chicken McNuggets. (I found this whole scene to be crappy - it seemed forced regular-guy talk). The kid talking is talking about how rich the guy who invented McNuggets is and he takes a bite of a mcnugget. More talking - another mcnugget. Talks about how much he loves them, tears the remaining nugget in half and eats one. Talks more and finally finishes it. Count it. Young male - four muthafuckin bites for one mcnugget!!!! I almost stopped watching there.

The worst example of this in recent memory was of course on The Sopranos. Which doesn't hold a candle to Deadwood BTW.
The scene where Tony and Carmela are "cheating" on Artie by going to that other restaurant. Carmela's talking about how good the food is and says to Tony that he just has to try the gnocchi. She gives him a forkful and practically the instant it eneters his mouth his expression changes because of hos wonderful it is.

Fuck you. That's shitty acting. At least in the first example with the mcnugget it can be attributed to shitty writing (he needed to make the mcnugget last for his whole speech.) but in The Sopranos it's just bad craft.

P.S. Omar Little is the shit.

Howdy Howdy Howdy. Fuck Macs.

2006-07-03T12:01:00.000-05:00

OK, 'm back and have a backlog of shit that pisses me off.
Today's are those incredibly fucking stupid Mac commercials. You know, the ones with the stiff in the shitty suit that is a PC and the cool kid that is a Mac?

Basically, they make me want to smash any mac I see.

"Hi, I'm a PC. Useful for spreadsheets and other work related stuff. I'm a stiff and nobody cool would be seen with me."

"Hi nerdlinger, I'm a Mac and am useful for life things. You know, pictures and music and stuff. See my casual outfit? Notice my relaxed attitude...dude?"

What's the take-home message here? Don't have a job because it's for squares? Stay in your parents basement and jerk off to 12 second porn clips on quicktime?

Who does this appeal to?

I fucking hate those commercials.

I also like the fact that one of the commercial's main point is that Macs can run windows. "HI, now our shitty computers can run the superior product that has been standard on PC's. Please buy us because we're cute and trendy looking."

OK. I'm back.

2006-06-14T10:12:00.000-05:00

Update on my awesome job later.

You know what really grinds my gears? When big market anchors - like on CNN - are talking about something's price and go all "regular guy" on us. "Yeah Miles, it must be nice to be able to afford that. Ha ha ha."
Seriously, you douchebags make a fuckton of money. You're not fooling anyone and look like assholes.

The Head is not dead--A guestpost by Lady Head

2006-06-09T17:13:00.000-05:00

I know you are disapointed that you havent heard from the Head lately. But mah man gots himself a Real Job. Yessir, he has no time for dalliances at work now. He's busy. He's actually working. He seems to be enjoying himself. And he's on his way to save the world, or at least help cure glaucoma, or basically just poke at eyeballs in a dish all day. He voluntarily stayed at work until 7:00 yesterday, despite the fact his boss and co-workers were gone by 4:30 because he wanted to "figure something out" before he left. In the evenings, he chatters like a schoolgirl about the goings-on of his day. He's optimistic. He's challenged. Its like he's the Head i knew before his previous job sucked the life out of him. He's a big boy now.

So you might not hear from the Head for a while but in his case, no news is great news. Contrary to what people might have believed previously, the Head is not lazy, unmotivated, or stupid. He was just stuck at a dead-end job where no one challenged him or believed in him. Now he's getting the respect a big boy Scientist deserves.

It never ends

2006-05-23T13:31:00.000-05:00

Remember when we got robbed by those two hicks? Well we are still dealing with it.
So we got letters at the beginning of last year saying they were ordered to pay restitution to us. Months went by and no money so Lady Head called the call-these-people-if-you-have-any-questions people from the letters and left messages.
Nothing.

So recently I decided to take it upon myself to get our money from the fuckers. See, Lady Head - besides being pregnant - also does work throughout the day.
Me?
Not so much.

So I've been fighting the runaround. See, the fucktards that robbed us have been shuttled between the juvenile and adult systems, have had appeals, etc. and apparently nobody knows shit about shit. One guy is out of the state or something.

I guess here the bureaucracy usually discourages most people.

However, if these assholes think I won't waste weeks on end writing letters, sending emails, and repeatedly calling their punk asses leaving messages for them and their supervisors, then they are sadly mistaken. I have nothing but time to waste and I have more cell phone minutes than I could use in a lifetime.

I'll get our money.

Head. The Head.

2006-05-22T13:02:00.000-05:00

I've got a giant, megahuge boner for Casino Royale.
The trailer is here.
Or you can look on IMDB for a smaller one.
I think Daniel Craig is going to make a fine Bond.
I don't like Penelope Cruz though. As Lady Head said, she's an example of long hair syndome. Take a not good-looking skinny chick, give her long hair and all of a sudden everyone is saying she's hot.

In other news, I am sad to say the Hardee's Boycott is on. They have great food but I just cannot take that philly cheesesteak burger commercial ("Whatta ya got thayer? A boiger?")
Gah! Just thinking about it enrages me.

Columbine Video Game

2006-05-17T14:45:00.000-05:00

Holy crap.

Uhhhh.

Uhhhh.

Wow.

The site's creator, who identified himself in an e-mail interview only by the name "Columbin," told the Rocky Mountain News he wanted to make something that would "promote a real dialogue on the subject of school shootings."

...

"I was a bullied kid. I didn't fit in, and I was surrounded by a culture of elitism as espoused by our school's athletes." He added that he considered the killers, at times, "very thoughtful, sensitive and intelligent young men."

Scrubs and killin'

2006-05-12T14:08:00.000-05:00

Hey Scrubs, you're a comedy!
Be funny.
Also, don't be depressing.
Do we really need another medical drama?

I recently read a back issue of Rolling Stone because Jack Bauer was on the cover. The article following the cover article was called "The Killing Factory" by Jeff Teitz. Wow, what a fucking retard. Here's a link to a blog that has it scanned in.

The article is about how boot camp prepares recruits to actually kill another human being. Should be an interesting article but it makes me want to punch thanks to the first page.

Here the writer explains to us that killing is unnatural and humans find it difficult to do. If he just left it here I wouldn't have minded. However he proves his point by talking about how humans were really opposed to killing each other in history. WTF?

He tells us that "Our ancestors only killed each other in extreme or ritualized circumstances."

Um...no. Seems like the whole noble savage idea we all hate so much. OK, humans in the small band stage. You're out looking for berries and shit. You meet someone not in your band of closely related folk that's not a chick. Fightin' and killin' time!
Also, I love the work on prehistoric tribespeople, like in New Guinea. Yeah, they're really opposed to killing each other [/sarcasm]. "What happened to your first husband miss? Killed in a raid on another tribes village, I see. OK, 2nd husband? Killed during a raid on your village by another tribe. OK, 3rd husband? Killed while hunting near another tribes village. Right-o.
1st son? Killed by rival. Sure. 2nd son?..."

Also, Jeff tells us that Visigoths and other barbarian tribes delivered "a lot of slashing blows but shrank from stabbing, because stabbng kills."
Huh?

Napoleon refused to go to war unless he had an artillery advantage because his soldiers were so reluctant to kill. Yeah, it has nothing to do with artillery's effectiveness.

Also, soldiers obviously intentionally missed in the civil war because they were often 100 yards away from each other and should have wiped each other out if they were actually aiming.

What a fucking tool.

This is part of a huge list of articles I've been disgusted by. More crappy mistakes, crappy writing, crappy research, etc. written by cocky, arrogant assholes.
I emailed the Evil Doctor asking if journalists are getting dumber or am I just noticing it more?

Also, I just read over this post and it's really poorly written.

Seinfeld

2006-05-11T16:14:00.000-05:00

I cannot understand people who list Kramer as their favorite character on Seinfeld. That's like saying your favorite Simpsons character is Bart.
You people are nonthinking sheep.
Baaaa baaaa he's so zany.
Baaa baaa he's got funny hair.
Baaa baaa he's soooo funny.

The correct answer is George.

And some have made the argument that Dale Gribble is the Kramer of King of the Hill. This is wrong. Every character on that show is wicked awesome and anyone who doesn't like it can SMD.

P.S. Yes Evil Doctor, we all know you hate Seinfeld.

P.P.S. I'd also like to reiterate how shitty A History of Violence was.

Chef Tony is a douchebag.

2006-05-08T11:42:00.000-05:00

So some of my collaborators had to send me sone stuff they took back from our recenet trip. They always send presents in their packages (wine, etc.) and this time included a copy of Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain. I know this guy also has a show on the Travel Channel that I've seen once. I kind of thought he was a douchebag in the show. They're in Las Vegas and he's going from fancy restaurant to fancy restaurant. He goes to Thomas Keller's new restaurant and orders fucking chicken. Now, I'm sure that it was good but I cannot understand how people can go into a fancy resaurant and order fucking chicken. I mean, it's fucking chicken!
Then he has to really see how good this guy's food is by ordering.... fucking french fries! Are they as good as the ones at his restaurant? I can't fucking wait to find out!
Long story short, they are and he's despondent. They remind him of his childhood - they're that good.
Then he walks around Vegas complaining about he wants to see it how it used to be, instead of how it is now. Then he goes into New York, New York. Here we go. See, Bourdain is from NYC and of course he's got to monologue about how great NYC is and how fucked up the casino is and how he misses his city, how it's exciting and dangerous, blah, blah, blah.

So I get his book and my impression that he's a world-class douche are pretty much spot on.
First of all there's a theme running through the book where he tries to convince you that he's "street", rubbing elbows with thugs and he's been around, you know what I'm saying. He refers to some person as a "fellow seventies survivor" 'cause it's soooo amazing he made it out of that decade. He really tries to go all regular-guy on us but clearly he's an arrogant prick. Interspersed with his stories about his rough life (and yes, I know he was in rehab and shit - but we're talking about a guy that went to Vassar, the Culinary Institute of America, and took cruises to Europe and ate better than I do now when he was a kid) he goes totally psuedointellectual on us, explaining culture and using terrible analogies and science. In that way he kind of reminds me of Jim McManus in Positively Fifth Street.
He also goes off on people who eat fucking chicken in resaurants!!!!
He spends a lot of time ripping on the celebrity chefs and the culture that they have created (I guess he fucking hates Emeril). I guess the hilarious part is that this is coming from a chef that has his own TV show (No Reservations) and several books that don't have a single recipe in them. What a fucking hypocrite.
Also, as in the episode I saw, this guy is one of those NYC-is-the-center-of-the-universe-fuggedaboutit dildoes. He talks about when he spent time in Baltimore and says something to the effect of how if someone is resigned to live in a "second-class city" then they deserve what they get. (Mainly because he had trouble finding drugs). What a great choice to host a show where the guy goes to places that aren't NYC!
Anyhoo, I can't believe I just reviewed Kitchen Confidential.

To keep it going, Aeon Flux was as awful as I expected. Staggeringly bad. On every level.
And I still can't believe that they got a fat girl to play Aeon instead of Milla.

Who am I thinking of #1. Clue 4.

2006-05-05T18:39:00.000-05:00

Never mind - Tovo got it.

The correct answer is Brion James!

He was the ponytailed henchman in Tango and Cash.
The word jumble is "Wake up! Time to die!" from Blade Runner.
And the fill in the blanks are
"General Munro" - his role from The Fifth Element
"Replicant" - He was Leon from "The Blade Runner"
"Crimewave" - he was one of the crazy villians

Who am I thinking of #1. Clue 3.

2006-05-05T09:11:00.000-05:00

Time to get some easy ones. Fill in the blanks. I'll give 3.

_ e _ _ r _ l _ u n _ _ (2 words)

r _ _ l _ c _ _ _

c _ _ m _ _ a _ e

Who am I thinking of #1. Clue 2.

2006-05-04T13:13:00.000-05:00

Word jumble time! (number of words is correct. Letters/ word is not. Punctuation removed.)

TOTE WID KAE PIE UM

Good luck!

Who am I thinking of?

2006-05-03T17:03:00.000-05:00

Bored and the blog posts have been sparse for a while so I'm going to do a contest called "Who am I thinking of?"
Each day I'll give a couple of clues and whoever guesses who I'm thinking of first gets the princely sum of $10 (via paypal).

I'm betting Kid Awesome wins this contest.

OK. I'm thinking about an actor. First set of hints (in haiku form):

O! Ponytailed thug
How mighty your razor is
Yet you died too young

Tennessee drivers

2006-05-03T13:48:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am so lame that I'm going to do one of these posts. Yes, I know it's like a bad stand-up bit from two decades ago. Yes, I know everyone thinks that their state has the worst drivers. Yes, I suck.

I'm only really pissed about one thing. Down here in Nashville people don't pull into the intersection when they are waiting to make the turn. They sit at the same place they were when the light was red. And when the light turns yellow they still don't pull up. If they don't make the turn by the time it turns red then, shucks, looks like we'll hope to get that turn done on the next change. What's the hurry city slicker? C'mon in and set a spell. I've sat 2nd in line behind people for 3 light changes. And I rarely lay on the horn but by the 2nd, they start getting it. But now I just whip around them, which will eventually cause an accident I guess.

Fucking ig'nant hicks.

Mean Machine

2006-05-02T13:45:00.000-05:00

Man, this is a truly awful movie. It's The Longest Yard, except in britain and with soccer.

And I don't mean "inspired by" I mean the same movie with the same plot, characters, and even lines (with appropriate substitutions of british slang).

And yes, I knew what this was when I put it on my netflix queue. I thought it would be entertaining and kind of surreal to watch. That lasted about 10 minutes. I made it to about 45 minutes before I just couldn't take it anymore.

Also, the Burt Reynolds character is played by Vinnie Jones. Now I like Vinnie in the small parts he has had. He plays a henchman or psychopath well but wow, he cannot pull off the lead.

Seagal Awesomeness.

2006-04-27T16:21:00.000-05:00

You must watch the video.

Thief

2006-04-24T12:20:00.000-05:00

I'm really disappointed in this show. I gave it a shot. I watched 3 or 4 episodes and it sucks.
I like Andre Braugher in some things despite his fake looking laugh.

Speaking of that, which actor has the most obvious "I'm acting" laugh? I think it's a toss up between Tom Cruise and Pierce Brosnan.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. I don't like the characters, the acting, or the writing.
This show was going to be The Shield'd replacement on Tues. nights. WTF am I going to do now?

What a rock star!

2006-04-19T11:00:00.000-05:00

I was just in the can looking through an old Newsweek when I came across a quote from Bono.
He's at a prayer breakfast in Wash. D.C.

"If you're wondering what I'm doing here, at a prayer breakfast, well, so am I. I'm certainly not here as a man of the cloth, unless that cloth is leather."

Thanks for reminding us how fucking cool you are Bono!

What a fucking douche.

Palmer '08!

2006-04-13T09:20:00.000-05:00

Sorry I've been neglecting the blog. I was on my last ever mole collecting trip! For those of you that haven't heard me bitch about these, it's basically a week tramping through the wetlands and it's either too cold or too hot, and you never get enough sleep or enough food.
Plus you're dirty the whole time.
Just sucks.

Well, in other news, it's about time I threw my weight behind a candidate for President. Is it early? No, you can't start out too early on these things.
So without further ado, Dennis Haysbert for president! Seriously, I'd vote for his voice alone. Hell, now that 24 is in syndication probably 1/2 the world would already think he was an awesome president.
He'll solve all this shit going on now in a heartbeat.

Turbo, I'm looking to you to aid in this quest. Can Mr. Haysbert and I count on your support?

P.S. Fuck you Jobu.

Yum.

2006-04-05T11:51:00.000-05:00

Hey buddies

2006-04-03T11:42:00.000-05:00

As you can see form the lack of posts - I'm in a holding pattern.
I'm getting excited about the new job. Get to learn a bunch of new shit and have to think about things I haven't thought about before. It's refreshing.

I've been concerned about my lack of drinking as well. I drank OK this weekend, mainly due to the fact it was The Ash-Hole's B-day. I was with him in spirit. but basically I haven't been my normal debauched self. I hope this is a phase.

The other day I was driving over J-Money and Mac's house. I was in a bad mood for some reason. Then I say a few Merry Prankster wannabes walking down the road. Dr. Seuss hats, drums, and other instruments - the whole nine yards.
What a bunch of dildos. Wow! You're really freaking people out on a Saturday afternoon!
Uptown Giiiirrrrl! You've been living in your uptown world...

So I thought "What a bunch of anti-establishment poseurs. I should stop the car, get out, and beat them all down - 60's style."

Then 2 blocks later I saw this group of rich assholes dressed in their casual saturday clothes that probably cost more than my best suit. I then thought "What a bunch of establishment assholes. I should stop the car and beat them all down."

Contradiction? No, I think not.

I arrived at my destination in a much better mood.
Thanks anger!

What do you mean you think I have a problem?

2006-03-21T13:36:00.001-06:00

So I'm in my liquor store last weekend picking up some wine and - oh no! - I forgot my wallet.
So the manager pays for it himself and says "pay me back next time."

Obviously, I'm an excellent customer.

New Jobbie Job

2006-03-20T14:04:00.000-06:00

Well, I got the job. It's another postdoc. However this one pays considerably more and there's much better room for advancement. Plus I'm going to be doing some really cool shit.
Start June 1.
Current boss wasn't thrilled but what are you going to do?

Erin Go Braugh!

2006-03-17T10:37:00.000-06:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Lady Head and I are taking it easy this year sicne she's pregnant. We are watching Mac and J-Money's baby (Cal) and watching movies. However, we went to a kickass wine dinner last night (EOS was featured) and I got plenty drunk. And tomorrow we are going to a Thanksgiving in March Party where... well... I'll get plenty drunk again. So basically my celebration bookends St. Patrick's day.

Please post your St. Patrick's Day debauchery so I can live vicariously through you.

Roe vs. Wade for Men

2006-03-15T12:16:00.000-06:00

I hope Matt Dubay gets the everloving shit kicked out of him. Way to try and set a precedent for more deadbeat dads to avoid supporting their kids, asshole! Pay the fucking child support you cheap fuck.
And I really hope he never has sex with a woman again. Well, based on the publicity, that's looking pretty likely.

Git 'r' done!

2006-03-15T09:40:00.000-06:00

Holy fucking balls. Larry the Cable Guy has his own movie. It's called Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector. I fucking dare anyone to go see this movie. Seriously, double dog dare you.
Well, maybe the Ash-hole will go see it since he deliberately rented Dana Carvey's The Master of Disguise. Yeah, you heard me.

Head, why can't I quit you? A guest post by Kid Awesome.

2006-03-10T00:14:00.000-06:00

Hi, Head fans. My name is Kid Awesome and I'm responding to our hero's previous post.
As we dated for almost six years, it goes without saying Head really knows how to push my buttons. Still, he's right on this one. I am rather late in accepting his offer to guest post. My apologies, Good Head, and I’ll do my best to make up for my delinquency in accepting your offer. Douchebag.
Okay, first about this Factotum nonsense: I'm not trying to sound like one of these Jackoffs-by-birth-Superjackoffs-by-the-grace-of-God jackoffs that hang around the Philosophy section of the student bookstore at my school and talk at length how cinema (their ten dollar wet tampon word, not mine) robs the essence of a book and the author and blah blah blah my dark green turtleneck sweater makes me look like the weird fuck-zombie-baby of a glow-worm and Moby's even softer brother blah blah blah, but really, come on, Factotum? With The Flamingo Kid as Hank? I can't see it, refuse to see it. Ben Gazzara failed miserably when trying to portray Bukowski, and he burned down a fucking hardware store right in front of Dalton. Tom Waits and Sean Penn (thank my ever-happy pee hole for this last one) couldn't get it to the screen. You're gonna tell me that Johnny Motherfucking Drama's other brother is gonna pull off a role Mickey Rourke made eternally his? The only way I would even sniff a film in which a member of the Dillon family portrays a Chinaski-type character is if dear sweet Kevin somehow amalgamated his greatest role of all time with his portrayal of the iconoclastic writer, a little something I like to call "Bunny Bukowski." "...you see his fucking head explode? Scotch and water." Listen, I do like Matt Dillon. I like him a lot, but to bring this full circle, the last time he worked with Marisa Tomei?...you guessed it, The Flamingo Kid. I’ll let that bleed out for a while.

If you want to know the truth, my annoyance in this matter is moth-farts next to the John Goodman gag reflex caused by the revelation of another book-to-movie massacre: John Fante's Ask the Dust. As I am a fan of both book and author and fear my bias will melt your balls right off, I'll just state the facts and you may draw your own conclusion:
Just in case you don't know, John Fante was Bukowski's favorite writer. He lived in L.A. in the 20s, and mostly drank and wrote and banged nasty broads with (somehow) even more problems than him. Ask the Dust is the story of Arturo Bandini (Fante) trying to make it as a writer. Then there is the movie. It is based on this book. Frieda Hayak's in it, and she is NOT a vampire stripper working for Cheech Marin's peanuts, which is the only role she should be allowed to play. She is one of Fante’s lovers, a Mexican waitress. Maybe there is a pass here. Maybe we are too arrogant, too elitist, too never-getting-laid-because-we-sleep-on-a-cot-our-dad-gave-us. The movie could work so far. But wait, beware the goocher, the hibbidy-dibbidy fact o’ the matter that’s gonna make you all hate me so: the actor playing the Bandini character, the character faithfully based on Fante himself...Fante - the only writer Bukowski ever really respected, tough-as-a-rhino's-boner in July, son of a hard drinking, wife-beating immigrant bricklayer, a hard luck poet who worked as a busboy in depression-era L.A. and starved, like really fucking STARVED for his art, eventually becoming the old man who died legless and blind because of diabetes and regret in becoming a screenwriter to pay his bills, the actor chosen to portray such a man:

Colin Farrell.

Alexander.

Bullseye.

Fuck you and me both.

I should leave it here, tromp off the stage with the collective heartbroken gasp of my audience clouding the air like so much smoke from a thousand White Owl cigarillos, leaving you to wonder why I would wound you so deeply and offer no reprieve from such bestial suffering. But I haven’t the heart or the chutzpah to do so. Instead, I’ll set this one in your lap, and tell me what you think:
The other day a commercial for that new Running Scared movie came on. First off, wasn’t that the title of the awesomest buddy cop movie ever, with Billy Crystal before he got all lame and Gregory Hines before he got all dead? You remember: ex-Doobie Brother Michael MacDonald sang the theme song? Anyway, that’s not really important. What struck me was that one of the taglines (or “grabbers” as they say in the biz, or not) for the ad was from part of a review from a critic, obviously moved by this new exploration into the medium of film. The following text appeared on the screen, accompanied by the commanding baritone of the announcer’s voice:

“Paul Walker turns in his best performance to date.”

As Head would so eloquently put it:
What. The. Fuck.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for the space, Head.

“Shine sweet freedom, shine your light on me.
We’ll keep this feeling aliiiiive, holdin’ on...”

"Don't Try"

2006-03-09T11:04:00.001-06:00

Well today in 1994 Bukowski died.
They're making the movie Factotum. Any excitement I have about another Bukowski movie is crushed because the star is Matt Dillion. As much as I like Dillion this is very worrisome. Way too pretty and prone to overacting. He'll probably have abs and everything.
Blech.

Edit: Just saw the trailer and I still want to see this movie. WTF is Marisa Tomei doing in it though?
Also, as KA pointed out. The title is "Factotum" but under that is "(man of many jobs)". I hate that little addition.

Kid Awesome was going to post on this since he's writing papers in grad school on Bukowski - and he's a massive disappointment - which would give his thoughts on Bukowski's work some weight. But when you depend on stinky alcoholics to write something you're often left high-and-dry.

I've bounced around the blogosphere and am entertained by people that don't drink, smoke, or fuck (actually are quite opposed to it) who love Bukowski.
Weird.

In other news, some guy contacted me with a job offer.
Details to follow.

Poppycock!

2006-03-03T09:03:00.000-06:00

If he ate, and he ate well; if he drank, and he drank heartily; if he slept, and he slept sound; if he did other things, and he did other things regularly, it was not from need of food, or drink, or sleep, or other things, no, but from the need never to need, never never to need, food, and drink, and sleep, and other things.
This was Watt’s first surmise of any interest on the subject of Mr Knott.
And Mr Knott, needing nothing if not, one, not to need, and, two, a witness to his not needing, of himself knew nothing. And so he needed to be witnessed. Not that he might know, no, but that he might not cease.

From Samuel Beckett's Watt. That's a hell of a quote. I'll try and figure it out later.

For any stoners out there in blogland, do yourself a favor and buy a bag or twelve of the peanut butter and chocolate Poppycock. Thank me later.

What a fucking idiot.

2006-02-24T10:39:00.000-06:00

Linky

What a fucking retard. And WTF is up with his advisors? Nobody knew?

I fucking hate Blogojevich. I remember talking to people at UIC (no one that reads this blog - calm down fuckers) and they're all like "I'm going to vote for Blagojevich because he's a democrat." Yeah, great way to think. Republicans = bad, so any nonrepublican must be awesome.
Great idea you shitheads. Vote for the guy with the platform that he's going to "cut the fat at public universities"
YOU WORK AT A PUBLIC UNIVERSITY YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!!

Intervention Time for The Head.

2006-02-23T13:50:00.000-06:00

So Lady Head and I went to a fancy, expensive restaurant last night and this came out of my mouth:

"I love everything about this place - the food, the decor, the service - but I really wish they would get new flatware. I feel like I'm eating in a cafeteria with these things."

Evil Doctor, Ash-Hole, Fat Nick, Turbo, etc. please immediately come down here and beat this attitude out of me. Either that or the only other thing I can think that will cure it. Whiskey, cartoons, and drunken, rambling debates.

Help me!

On another note, while I was waiting for the elevator yesterday there was this waifish young thing standing there shivering and her teeth were chattering. I got a great deal of pleasure out of it because it was 40 degrees, raining, and she was wearing fucking SANDALS!!!!!

Also, I think the Axe body spray commercial with "The One-upper" would work better if the guy getting one-upped didn't look like such a douchey, wussy weenie.
No offense, Fat Nick.
(Zing!)

Random Rules

2006-02-22T16:00:00.000-06:00

-WARNING- Ghey blogger thing ahead.

So I was reading the onion AV Club and they have an article called Random Rules. Basically a person turns on shuffle on their mpg player and gives us the first couple songs that come up and says something about them. I like this idea and would like you clowns to do it. For those of you with out blogs yet on my contributors list, please guest post it here. If no ipod, if you have a bunch of music on your computer and can shuffle go with that.
I'd like the first ten songs and something about them. No cheating to make yourself look cool. We all get a little crazy with the downloading sometimes so we understand that you have Britney or whatever on there.

Here are mine:

1) Slowboat to China - Charlie Parker

Wow, I start odd looking totally sophisticated. Really though, I downloaded a bunch of jazz for music to listen to during dinner parties, etc. It's great in the house but, with very few examples, I never play it on my iPod.

2) Harvester of Sorrow - Metallica

Absolutely one of my favorite songs off of one of my alone-on-a-deserted-island albums. Just awesome. Excellent for pumping me up for football or lifting competitions in high school and it still gives me a bounce in my step.
Sigh, Metallica makes me sad. This was a top song at their peak. After this was the decline.

3) The Wrong Number - Kid Loco

Who would of knew I would have gotten so much into Kid Loco. You'd think I'd hate him as I hate a lot of DJs. However, from what I've heard he can do no wrong in my eyes (or ears). Excellent sitting around the house getting high music. Also popular at Head parties (by Head parties I mean me, Lady Head,a nd the critter's private parties where I get wasted and dance about comically, not the head as in "That stinky hippie is a total head." kind of way.)
I'm pissed the one song I can't seem to download is Mr. Flakey which is my absolute favorite.

4) Shut the Fuck up - Wu-Tang and Limp Bizkit

OK. You got me. Fred Durst is a fucking tool but I'd listen to Jessica Simpson if she was singing with the Wu-Tang Clan. Method Man makes a solid showing but he makes me sad too with all his TV shows and whatnot. He should have died with ODB.

5) Scooby Snacks - Fun Loving Criminals

C'mon - a song about robbing banks that has quotes form Tarantino movies in it? Perfect for my level of immaturity.

6) Come on Motherfucker - Clutch

Clutch is awesome. I've been listening to them since college. We used to black out this guys windows and pass around a bottle of wild turkey to Clutch (and Pantera and Prong) before we went out. Those guys got into a lot of fights. A real motivating song in the gym. Definitely NSFW though.

7) Wheel in the Sky - Journey

Journey is so wonderful. No matter what, whenever I hear any Journey song I have fond thoughts of Logan Square in general and the Bob Inn specifically. Especially of Turbo rocking out Dangerfield-style to Anyway you want it. It was a magical time.

8) Holla Back - Gwen Stefani

Yeah, in many ways I'm a 13 year old girl. Gwen Stefani is another one that's always right. I love this song and often dance to it for Lady Head's amusement.

9) Brass Monkey - Beastie Boys

Looking back on this list it is apparent that I'm still in High School. But fuck you, License to Ill was an awesome album and Brass Monkey is an awesome song.
Has anyone ever had a Brass Monkey? Or know what it is? I've heard it as OE 800 and OJ and also some other OJ drink with rum and vodka.

10) Relax - Frankie Goes to Hollywood.

The Ash-holes will remember me being so drunk that I kept confusing this song with Duran Duran and singing "Reflex" instead of "Relax." Ahh, good times: "Reflex, don't do it..."
I also occasionally shout out to Lady Head or others "Hit me with those laser beams - baum baum baum"
Am I gay? Maybe.

and cue Evil Doctor's smartass "Damn kids and your fancy do-dads" comment.

Just saw this little gem on Manliness.

2006-02-22T13:16:00.000-06:00

Manliness in danger of extinction
By Zach Parks

I pump iron, because iron-pumping is manly. I returned to Oxford after a long winter break to find that my gym had been taken over by idiots. Every January these collar-popping pansies pollute my gym in hopes of gaining last-minute beach muscle in time for spring break. Then, by March, they're gone. This futile attempt to reverse a semester of binge drinking is turning my palace of testosterone into a combination of TRL and the Mickey Mouse Club, this annual phenomenon also illustrates the general lack of manliness in today's society.

Kids these days lack the sufficient couth, persistence and sportsmanship to maintain a grueling, manly year-round workout. These girly-men need to get the hell out of my gym. I miss days of our grandfathers, back when men were real men. Back then the game of dodgeball was played with rocks and the game of dodgerock was played with knives. I miss the days when everyone was a badass.

Somehow between then and now fate decided to take a steaming hot dump all over Darwin's grave as a generation of salty war veterans gave way to a generation of scarf-wearing vaginas. It hurts me to think that for years society stands idly painting its fingernails while icons like Clint Eastwood are replaced by wieners like Ryan Seacrest. If these generations of manly men were still alive they would spit tobacco juice in Ryan Seacrest's face and then make him wash and wax their Trans Am.

Back in the good old days things were much simpler. Back then you could walk into a cafe and not be totally confused. This is because back then it didn't matter if you were trying to order, cappuccino, mocha latte or espresso they were all called the same thing - scotch.

Back then four out of five doctors recommended smoking. This isn't because of doctor's ignorance to the dangers of smoking. This is because lungs used to be much more manly. Lungs used to be a manly shade of black instead of a girly shade of pink. But these days our lungs have devolved into an advanced state of weenie-ism making us incapable of enjoying rich tobacco goodness.

When manly men aren't eating pieces of shit like you for breakfast they're eating sausage wrapped in bacon, wrapped in more bacon and topped with a fried egg, and they wash it down with a glass of bacon grease, topped off with a doctor recommended cigarette. Look at any grumpy old man and the first thing you'll notice is that he smells like a medium-sized pile of garbage that is sitting on top of a large-sized pile of garbage. This is because of years and years of stink that has built up from a combination of bare-knuckle boxing and bare-knuckle lumberjacking.

Wimps, weenies and vegetarians are ruining our great nation. America is on a downward spiral, we've got a fever and the only prescription is scotch, red meat and lumberjacks.

BK, Milla, Crash, and Whiskey

2006-02-20T09:35:00.000-06:00

I'm toying with re-enacting the Burger King boycott because of the "Dr. Cheesey" commercials. I find them annoying and heavy-handed. I see what they're trying to do and they've just failed miserably. The whole "We're in on the joke -wink-" shit doesn't work at all.
And this coming off that awesome dancing girls making a whopper commercial that first aired during the Super Bowl. I went out the next day and got Whoppers the next day because of that commercial.
Fuck you BK.

How the fuck is Milla Jovovich in Ultraviolet instead of Aeon Flux?
Nothing makes sense anymore!

On the Evil Doctor's recommendation I watched Crash this weekend. What a joke of a movie. Hey I have a great recipe for a sure-fire Oscar-winning movie. Take some low-hanging fruit, mix in some actors starving for serious dramatic roles, add a huge dose of demagoguery and let cook for two hours.
C'mon.

Because of our memberships in various things we get a ton of free magazine subscriptions. This weekend I excited to see in one of the club magazines an article on Irish whiskey. I was pretty excited because I like several Irish whiskeys. The author was a LA Times writer that often acts as their drinks correspondent. Yay!
The article was awful. First off, he kept saying he's never met an Irish whiskey he didn't like. Not one. Now I'm not a fancy journalist - no, stop, seriously I'm not - but part of being a critic is not liking everything you're exposed to (a la Homer Simpson). He even went on about how great the poteen was that he had in Ireland. For the ignorant, poteen is liquid straight from the still. Around these parts it's known as moonshine and, no matter who's making it, it is awful.
Then he was talking about different brands of Irish whiskey. It was completely worthless. Instead of using words like "smoky", "toffee", "oak", "smooth", "vanilla" etc., etc., etc. he used descriptors such as "charming", "flirtatious", and "lively"
What an asshole. Thanks for the advertisement for Irish whiskey in general, douchebag. Rod Smith, you should be fired. And who the fuck nurses a bottle of Irish whiskey for an entire year?

C'mon honey, you look like the friggin' Joker.

2006-02-10T11:09:00.000-06:00

I love Scrubs but the one thing about the show I hate is Christa Miller's rictus grin. Dear, you should sue your plastic surgeon.

Would you consider "The Gambler" or "Coward of the County" Kenny Roger's best song?

I'm going with "Coward"

"Jungle Love" by The Time is exactly what I needed to kickstart my day today.

Also, I had corned beef hash and eggs for breakfast so I'm a world-beater today.

And I'd like to occasionally give some insight into problems Lady Head and I are having with our relationship.
A big barrier to us getting close is the fact she despises Phil Collins. I'm not sure if there is medication for this problem.
To annoy her, I will now refer to my iPod as the "Genesis Box"

Steak and Blowjob Day!

2006-02-09T14:03:00.000-06:00

Great idea. I think I'll take off work for it.

Here's the link.

And for the lazy:

You know the drill. Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do care for them more than any other. Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret; guys feel left out. That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.
Which is why a new holiday has been created.
March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.
No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. Thats it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th!
The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world. And, of course, steak and BJ's.

The best Dennis Rodman story ever - guest post by Turbo

2006-02-07T19:14:00.000-06:00

I went to Vegas this weekend on a company trip and came back with the best Dennis Rodman story ever, hence the title of this post. We got there Friday night and partied our asses for the entire weekend. We had to leave on Sunday morning at 7:30, which meant we had to leave the hotel at 5:30 am, so a group of us decided it would be a great idea to stay up all night and just sleep on the plane. Of course, I was one of these brilliant individuals. So, 5:30 rolls around and a group of 6 of us roll out of the room drunk as hell. We get down to the lobby where everyone else (who didn't stay up and got a whopping 2 hours of sleep instead) is waiting for us. While we're waiting, who walks by but one Dennis Rodman and two of his lady friends. Someone in the group says "Hey, isn't that Dennis Rodman?" and I look over and sure enough, its him. So, I yell out "Hey Rodman! We're from Chicago. We love you!". He stops dead in his tracks, walks 2 steps backwards, turns around and throws around $200 all in singles at us. Its raining money from Dennis Rodman. Everyone has now dropped to their knees and are grabbing at money. After grabbing 32 sweet Dennis Rodman dollars (the most in the group) I look up, and he's gone. Like a ninja with a smokescreen, no one sees where he goes, but he's got me back to being even on my gambling loses (I'm not a big gambler). He also bought me breakfast.

One side note - another guy with the company grabbed $10. At the airport, he played a slot machine with a Rodman dollar. He won $130.

All of that is true.

Insane in the McCain

2006-02-07T12:34:00.000-06:00

Awesome. John McCain had a cameo on 24 last night.

The pussification of The Head.

2006-02-03T12:37:00.000-06:00

Hot Rod broght it to my attention that I haven't posted in a while. See what Chris Penn's death did to me? You're lucky I didn't erase the blog in mourning.

Yesterday I got gypped out of a free Panera lunch because I RSVPed to this lunch weith a speaker but never heard back. So I go down to the conference room and the speaker's not there yet. But I counted 8 lunches and 7 people so I figured I was out. I go back upstairs figuring I'd let them eat and then go back. So 1/2 hour later I walk into the room and they're all "Uh-oh." So I'm all "Uh-oh what?" and they're all "He just ate your lunch." while pointing to this tiny asian guy that never says a word. Turns out he was crashing the lunch and they waited to see if I was coming for 10 minutes.
I place 80% of the blame on the douchebag prof. that didn't confirm my RSVP (did he think I'd magically know where and when the fucking lunch was? I had to find out through other channels). 15% of the blame goes to the department (seriously, scientists are shitty responders, if there's going to be 8 people, order 10 lunches). 5% of the blame goes to me for being such a pussy. I can tell you that in Chicago I would have had a lunch for sure, even if I had to take someone elses.
Which broght up a good point Lady Head and I discussed. Have I been broken down? Am I less of a man than I once was since we moved down here? I believe so. Can I be rehabilitated to the heroic figure I once was?
Discuss.

P.S. I saw Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance last night and I now consider Chan-wook Park second only to Takashi Miike in weirdness in cinema. Yet I can't help but watch.

A Sad Day for Cinema

2006-01-25T14:05:00.000-06:00

R.I.P. Chris Penn. The best actor in the Penn family by far.

Bauer-mania

2006-01-24T14:58:00.000-06:00

Just saw this. One repeat in it.

30 Random Jack Bauer Facts: All True

1) If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

2)Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

3)If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

4) Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

5) Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

6) Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

7) 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

8) Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

9) Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

10) Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

11) Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

12) If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're fucked.

13) Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

14) When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

15) Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.

16) Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

17) If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.

18) If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.

19) When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

20) Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

21) As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"

22) Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

23) In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

24) Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

25) Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

26) Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.

27) When terrorists go to hell, if they say Jack Bauer sent them, they'll get a group discount.

28) Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.

29) When you come face to face with Jack Bauer, you can do things the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is ingesting your cyanide pill.

30) Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

Is it them? Is it them?

2006-01-24T09:17:00.000-06:00

So I watched War of the Worlds the other day. Ridiculously bad. Then Sunday afternoon I watched The Interpreter. I can't decide which movie is worse.
Other than that I had an excellent weekend gambling and will be purchasing something exciting soon that I will tell you all about.
24 kicks so much ass. Although it wouldn't be 24 without one frustrating storyline where I yell at the TV "You dumb bitch!" or something similar.
Plus The Shield is awesome (despite Hot Rod's trolling). Now Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday are the best TV nights ever. When I wake up on Wed. morning I wish it was Sunday.
I lead an exciting life.

Larceny!

2006-01-20T13:29:00.000-06:00

Yep. We were robbed again. This time they stole our riding lawnmower when I was in bed (see Lady Head's blog).
R.I.P. The Slappywag.

Also, I hate Dakota fanning.

Rump Shaker

2006-01-18T09:44:00.000-06:00

Good Lord do I hate American Idol. Unfortunately, Lady Head loves it. It was on during dinner so I couldn't leave.
Basically I hate all the singers and I hate Randy Jackson (What's up dog?). But most of all I hate Simon. Hey look at me! I'm an world-class asshole! As the seasons progress I'll start going way over the top with my douchebaggery too because I'm a bad boy that people love to hate and that's my schtick. Also, the befuddlement with America is old (Is this what people in America do?). When did you become fucking Hugh Grant?
I think an awesome show would be someone comes on, Simon insults them, and they freak out and shoot him. I'd watch that.
Also, and this will emasculate me, why is Ryan Seacrest still on this show? He's bigger than that. He's guest hosting the big shows, NYE, etc. Fuck American Idol. You've moved on.

But all is not lost. Jack Bauer is totally ripping shit up ninja-style in 24 and the Shield is friggin' awesome so far.

Edit: Good news! That' 70's Show will soon be gone! And Arrested Development is rumored to be fielding offers from other networks, and King of the Hill may get some new episodes
Can the return of Futurama be far behind?

I think I'm becoming obsolete.

2006-01-11T14:29:00.000-06:00

Seriously, both of my email inboxes are empty for long portions of the day. Nobody emails me anymore or responds to my emails in a timely fashion (with the notable exception of the Evil Doctor - who isn't afraid to get in a nice 40 emails an hour exchange to pleasantly kill an afternoon). Too busy, too important, too something.

Where has everyone gone?

P.S. I'm expecting at least one "busy and important" response form a special someone.

My life is complete again

2006-01-11T09:19:00.000-06:00

The Shield is back on. I don't know what I'm going to do when 24 starts up again on Sunday.

In other news I went to Arby's last night for dinner. I hadn't been there for months. So I'm getting ready to order the Big Montana and I don't see it. WTF? They now have 3 different sizes of roast beef sandwich, lamely named "regular", "medium", and "large".
So I get the large figuring it's probably the same thing as the Big Montana or maybe the Giant.
Holy shit, it sucks. It's got, what I figure is, the same amount of meat than those other 2 sandwiches but it's on the little "regular" bun. Screws up the whole bread:meat ratio (and sauce:meat ratio). They way I figure it, they started doing this so they didn't have to get different sized buns. Fucking bean counters.
Fuck you Arby's.

Kind of like the whole "The Kong Whopper is actually a double instead of what it should be - the triple - because it's their big fancy promotion and hardly anyone gets triples so in order to sell more sandwiches they'll sell out and call the double the Kong whopper - thing"
Fuckers. My whole culinary world is collapsing.

Kong

2006-01-09T09:44:00.000-06:00

Saturday we went to dinner at Tin Angel with Mac and J-Money. Then the ladies went to our house to play some 8-bit nintendo (they still live in the stone ages) while J-Money and I went to see King Kong. I thought it was fantastic. Now that's a fucking movie. J-Money said he would put the middle 3rd of it up against any other action movie. I agree whole-heartedly. The fight between Kong and the T. Rexes alone was worth the admission. The natives on the island were creepy as fuck, the non-Kong animals were creepy as fuck as well, and Kong himself was awesome. You really felt sad at the end (I wanted him to fuck up all the planes and live).

Oh yeah, like the Ash-hole said, I was making fun of him for his "young, hip professor outfit" the other day. Saturday I was his clone.

Trigger words

2006-01-05T17:27:00.000-06:00

I remember the Evil Doctor telling me about some guy on trial for assault or murder or something. His problem was that he would fly into a rage everytime he heard a certain word (I can't remember what the word was - it was "Tuesday" or something).

Recently, on the Ash-hole's visit, we got into a discussion about how much I hate the term "blue jeans." Not "jeans" - I say that all the time, but "blue jeans" irritates me. Not so much that I'm going to punch someone but I really dislike the term.

Dr. Doolittle eat your heart out.

2005-12-28T10:06:00.000-06:00

Well Christmas has come and gone. A delightful time. As good catholics, we had a couple of our favorite heathens The Ash-holes visiting for the 4th out of 5 Christmases. They arrived Weds. and left Sun. Besides the airport runs I only left the house 4x - once to the club for dinner, once to the liquor store, once to Burger King for Kong Whoppers, and once to get Mexican food. The Ash-hole was being a sissy on the whole Kong Whopper thing but when I went I found that the Kong Whopper is merely the double whopper and not the triple. I was conflicted as to whether or not to get the triple instead but it was The Official Kong Whopper Night so I ended up in keeping with the letter of the law and got the double. The funny thing is, this resulted in me eating less food than I would normally eat from Burger King, since I normally get two normal whoppers and fries rather than one double whopper. There's no way there should be a sandwich on the menu bigger than a sandwich called the "Kong Whopper." I'm sure they figured that less people are going to eat the triple so they compromised their integrity to sell more of them.
We drank a shitload and watched some truly awful movies. I prefer watching really bad movies with The Ash-holes because I believe we all enjoy ourselves more yelling at the screen and talking to each other making fun of it while drinking heavily than sitting quietly through a good movie where after 2 hours we all say "I enjoyed that movie." and that's it. Lowlights include: the motorcycle ninja fight between the chicks in Torque (where they actually used the motorcycles to try and hit each other and also used them to parry blows from the other motorcycle.) and Ice Cube barking, the talking while running or hitting as well as the steroid stuff in The Program, and all of Four Brothers which has got to be the worst film of the year that I've seen.

In Chicago News: I heard that Hot Rod (a vegetarian for as long as I've known her) was so irritated at the wait to get into a BBQ place that she said if they ever got in she'd eat a rack of ribs and she did. Awaiting confirmation but, if true, that is beyond awesome.

And now to the title of this post. We've had Nala for just over a year. When we first got her she was absolutely terrified of the other cats. For the first 2 weeks we had to keep her in her own room. Then gradually we would open the door. Well she went and shit and pissed in the cat tree and we threw it out. Many said that she would not come around because this was the first time since she left her mother that she'd even seen another cat, much less the 3 assholes that we have. But I had faith in Lady Head. She gradually made changes to which room she was in which helped and Nala seemedfairly content. Then a few months later, she move all the cats' food and litter boxes into the same room (before Nala had her food and litterbox separate from the others) that helped immensely and nala began tolerating the other cats to a point even eating close to them. Then after a few more minor changes with cat trees (to one where she's less closed off), Nala began venturing out more at night and sometimes during the day. Then Weds. We moved the cat tree into our bedroom. Now Nala is fully integrated. She's out all the time and is fine with the other cats.
Lady Head is The Cat Whisperer.

Update: Hot Rod did eat ribs.
Update two after rereading the post: Despite its awful grammar, etc. I was not drunk when writing this post.

Asshole Part Deux

2005-12-19T11:11:00.000-06:00

Wow. I just emailed the Evil Doctor this article commenting that I can't believe someone is such a pompus asshole when I recognized the name and found that I posted this article by the same jerk-off in my blog before here.

For the lazy, the old article was the "Walk-man is ruining music and our society even though I once listened to Mahler's Ressurection Symphony on a vertical Alpine train as a thunderstorm crashed all around and I was moved to tears and masturbated furiously."

God, this guy is a douchebag.

Oh, the humanity!

2005-12-15T16:46:00.000-06:00

I was going to avoid discussing any food or beverage for a while since some of my loyal readership are thinking I'm getting a little too hoity-toity with that stuff (condsidering this is coming from a drunken film snob, a drunken vegetarian, and a drunken fat guy I shouldn't really worry about it) but this is too much.

For the anti-clicking crowd, it's announcing a new DIET whiskey.

Apparently I'm incapable of not drinking.

2005-12-13T09:58:00.000-06:00

Since we've been hitting it so hard recently I figured I'd take a couple of days to dry out before this weekend. So yesterday I figured I'd work, work out, go home and watch a movie.
But then at 4pm our boss comes in and says he just got the letter from the chancellor saying that he got tenure. Off to the bar! (Which was followed by long, rambling conversations with Kid Awesome and Fat Nick).
Happy Holidays Liver!

P.S. When we got home I discovered Orson doesn't like John O'Hara. Out of all the books he could have savaged he destroyed two by him.

T.G.I.M.!

2005-12-12T09:35:00.000-06:00

Cuz I just can't eat or drink anymore.
Thursday we just stayed home and we had a Head Party. Sounds debaucherous but it's just Lady Head and I drinking and me dancing around to cheese-rock. We watched "Inside Deep Throat" which I highly recommend. (Recently, I'm 3 for 3 on dcoumentary rentals: "Inside Deep Throat", "Overnight" and "Guerrilla: The Taking of Patty Hearst").
Friday we had dinner at the Mad Russian's (and his delightful wife - not Russian). He's a new character in the Headoshphere. We met him at some of our wine tastings and he's quite fond of the Head's. Anyway, we met Jeff and Kristen at his house. When we arrived he had caviar, pates, olives, and some other stuff out and we drank 2 bottles of champagne. He then took Jeff and I into his monstrous cellar to pick the wines to go with dinner. Pretty cool. We ended up with some dusty ones. Then we had lobster bisque, another bottle of wine (. Sausage and leek appetizer, another bottle. Scallops, another bottle. Then we had a bottle in between. Then the main course was lamb chops and russian potatoes. 2 more bottles. Finally we ended with cheese and sauternes. And then coffee. Well Jeff and I decided that it was ridiculous that his hot tub is just sitting out there so we grabbed a bottle of Basil Hayden and in we went. Everyone else stayed inside. About 2/3 of the bottle later we got out and went home.

Next day, we get up, eat breakfast, chief up to kill the hangover, and go to rake leaves. For those of you that haven't been to Head Manor, it's got trees. Big trees with lots of leaves. Two or three hours later or so, we're done (with the front yard). Go in, screw off.

Then at 7 we have Jeff and Kristen's Christmas party. Goes a little something like this: champagne, champagne, vodka martini, gin martini, gin martini, shiraz, cabernet, gin martini, cognac (Germain-Robin Reserve - nice job Jeff!), cognac, HOME!

Sunday we wake up, have breakfast. I get housed in poker. Then at 5:30 we have a wine dinner at Amerigos. It was a nice, private-invitation (ooh! We're so special) event. We meet Jeff and Kristen their (they're still not sick of us...yet... and they need nicknames. They used to be Ron Livinston and Angie Everhart but that's just too long to type out). We have some great wines, and David brings some bottles from his cellar. We have roasted chicken and artichoke soup and the main course is veal saltimbocca.

You can get used to living like this.

But it was kind of difficult getting up this morning.

We managed to plan a viewing of "The Ice Pirates" this weekend.

And I was going to put it in another post but I have a ton of shit to do today so:
RIP Richard Pryor. He was the King of Comedy. We will definitely have a Richard Pryor memorial party soon.

Probably the most important thing you'll ever read.

2005-12-08T11:32:00.000-06:00

In playing with our cats I've noticed clear differences in their abilities. Let's use the string example. You know, when you're shooting the string over their heads or along the ground. Yeah. cats love this.

Kraepelin is the worst at it. Him lunging at the string looks like he's having a seizure. Limbs all akimbo, often jumping with both forepaws extended, which makes him land in a poor position for another takeoff. He's impatient and his eye-paw coordination doesn't seem to be very good whcih is weird, considering how much damage he normally does around the house. What's that you say? Maybe he does so much damage because he's such a clutz? Well played stranger. I'll definitely take that into consideration. Although it does remove from teh equation much of the malice towards objects he clearly possesses.

Slightly better than Kraepelin is Purkinje. She has a similar spastic lunge at the string that Kraepelin has. Also a huge proponent of the double-paw reach even when the string's position does not warrant that. Both of these seem unable to wait and judge when the most opportune time for string assault is and often overextend themselves when the string is located in a bad position (such as moving away from them on the backswing), making future attempts less than textbook. All-in-all, these two are our most excitable cats and I think they just get too worked up to strategize and enact a plan to actually capture the hated string.

Surprisingly, Nala is pretty proficient at the string game. Unlike the other two, she's patient and will, like the praying mantis, wait for a good spot to attack. She's is also able to accurately gauge when two paws are needed or only one. Proper use of the one-paw grab is essential to become an expert in string-catching.

The absolute best at string is Penelope, and it's not close. Seriously, she's a fucking ninja. She's rip that fucking string right out of your hand. She hardly ever does the two-paw lunge. She's incredibly patient and will just sit there, seemily uninterested in the string, but tracking it nontheless. Then, all of a sudden - WHAM! - one paw shoots out with lightning speed and grasps that fucker. One other aspect to string is actually catching the string in the paw. See, contacting it is not enough, you must extend the claws at the right time and angle based on the strings location, direction, and speed in order to catch it. This is another facet where P-Lo dominates the other cat. Very little wasted movements. One swipe - one kill. Where Nala can hit the string fairly often, she often has some trouble locking it in the claw.
Interestingly, P-Lo is our only nonpurebred cat. We rescued her from a shelter in Chicago so maybe her life on the streets is what honed her skills at killin'. The ohter ones are clearly fancypants, blue-blooded pussies. Represent!

Weekend Update

2005-12-05T16:11:00.000-06:00

Well I lost the bet with The Canadian. I lost 2.5 inches to his 3.25. Man, if only I exercised in the past month. Weird considering that I was doing good until the bet, then I basically didn't work out again. Well, the problem was that it's the holiday season which, in the House of Head, means near constant eating, drinking, and being merry.
Friday was a 3-way birthday party. The Canadian, Erin, and Cal (John and Mac's 1 year old). So how do you entertain a 1yo? Well, based on my observations of everyone there, you entertain a 1yo by getting drunk and saying stupid things to me. In all actuality the party was a lot of fun. Good crowd, good food, good booze, etc.
Then we watched Project Grizzly. It's about this nutjob up in Canada that had some experience with grizzly bear some years ago and decided to make an indestructable suit so he can confront the bear. Guy's a total tool.

**************minor spoiler alert************************

And the worst part is he never even fought a bear! Near the end he's in the suit, there's a bear over the next ridge but he decides he can't walk that well over the rough terrain so that's that.

Saturday we had to come into work to run an assay. -blech- So we slept in and then dropped some money off at Mac and John's that we owed them. While there we decided that we should do dinner that night. Since it was short notice for a babysitter I made the executive decision that it would be a Whopper night. (I had decided as soon as the waist bet was over I was mowing me some fucking whoppers). But Lady Head and John decided they wanted some McDonald's so, after work and poker, I went to both places. Then we played Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture Edition (we lost to them AGAIN! 6 pie to 6 though.) and then watched Guerilla: The Taking of Patty Hearst - which I recommend highly.

Sunday was our typical Sunday. Cooking, drinking, smoking, gambling, excellent cartoons.

Today we found out that our assay finally worked (4th time's a charm I guess) which is the last thing the reviewers needed for this manuscript. I also discovered when you're lab is grant rich, you can pay others to do your work for you (thank you Electron Microscope Core!)

Tonight is the last in the "Around the World in 80 Wines" series. 13 weeks. It's been quite a journey. We are trying to get them convinced to start one up again after the new year. I mean, what the fuck are we supposed to do on Mondays now?

Welcome back!

2005-12-02T10:39:00.000-06:00

Good Lord, it has been forever, hasn't it?

Time for a positive review. Do yourself a favor and rent Overnight. It's absolutely wonderful. It's a documentary on this guy who was working as a bartender but wrote the script for The Boondock Saints and was in a band. The script got picked up by Miramax and his band was getting a record deal. Problem is, this guy is an A-1, world-class, record-breaking asshole. So, everything starts falling through and you get to see this arrogant douchebag get what's coming to him. Schadenfreude galore!

On to other things. I'm not sure I like Charlize Theron as Aeon Flux. She seems too soft and round for the part, at least in the face.

I've been celebrating the holidays Head-style with lots of drinking, eating, and fascinating monologues.

Update: Go visit Joshua for a post on that self-important cunt Paglia's latest turd.
Seriously, Kieth Richards has been her idol and role model for over 40 years? -sigh-
Sympathy for the Devil is "demonstably superior" to "Like a Rolling Stone" -sigh- (I like SFTD much more than LARS but "demonstrably superior"????)

Brains!

2005-11-21T09:58:00.000-06:00

Well season 3 or 24 finished up strong. Almost made up for that shitty beginning.
So now I'm in this weird stage where Netflix sends me DVD's that aren't 24. Going to take a little time to get used to.
First non-24 viewing was the new Land of the Dead. I was excited for it because I just watched the original Land of the Dead. Romero did the new one too and even a bad zombie movie is good. Or so I thought. Good Lord did this suck. Just a really, really horrible movie.

******SPOILER ALERT********
(like that matters here)

Ugh, terrible actors. Dennis Hopper being Dennis Hopper in a role where he doesn't do drugs - enough said. The main character was Simon Baker - completely bland and wooden.
The plot sucked. OK, zombies becoming somewhat sentinent. Sounds interesting. But George managed to fuck that one up.
I did like the fact that they weren't the superfast zombies that have become so popular recently. They are your old school shambling zombies. Problem here is that, while I expect a certain level of "How the fuck did those slow-ass zombies catch that person?" in my zombie films - here it just went overboard. One scene has the zombies banging on the lobby doors of a downtown high-rise for a few minutes while people inside are running away. Then the zombies break through and there's all these fucking people there just waiting to be eaten. Also, the ninja-zombie level is high here. You know how zombies are moaning and shit all the time? Oh yeah, except when you're going into that creepy warehousem shed, barn, etc. then they're quiet as churchmice until you turn around real fast and AAAAAGH! Zombie!
And c'mon, George invented the fucking genre and he can't get the rules right? How do you kill a zombie? Destroy it's brain or cut off it's head. Every movie is in agreement about this. In two situations in this movie zombies were without heads and the head still remained animated (in one this army guy gets surprised by a headless zombie but it whips it's body foward and it's head is attached behing it by a thin strand of tissue whips foward and of course lands perfectly on the dude's arm and bites him).
Then, this is supposedly the last human outpost but Leguizamo steals their supertank thingie (named Dead Reckoning) and wants the evil corporate mayor of the city (Hopper) to pay him $5 million so he can leave. To go where? And why the fuck does he need money if there are no more humans around?
I'd bitch more but time is short today. Topiary Girl is defending her doctorate and I have to get a bunch of shit done before this afternoon.
Let me end with...the ending. Which was the worst fucking part of the movie. OK, Baker gets dead reckoning back and fucks up some zombies that are eating people. Then him, his retarded buddy, a few army guys (and girl), and his hooker girlfriend say goodbye to the survivors in the city (the revolutionaries that were against Hopper - that's another poorly done story in the movie) are going to go to Canada because there are no people up there and no people = good because we're all supercool loners. And they see a bunch of zombies walking away from the city led by the head zombie (that still doesn't make sense). Tankdriverchick goes to blast them but Lam-O Baker stops her saying "They're just looking for a place to go - just like us." and lets them go.
WHAT. THE. FUCK?????!!!!!?!?!?!?!

Ugh. I want that 1 hour 37 minutes back.
The online reviews at imdb.com are almost all incredibly positive. With people saying how excellent this movie is, etc. Some nerds need to get laid I think.
(yes I realize I just said that after I wrote all of that other crap... shutup)

OK, off to work.

We're living like savages.

2005-11-17T11:05:00.000-06:00

Must get to liquor store today. Running dangerously low on the essentials.
And by dangerously low I mean it. Completely out of whiskey (and whisky), gin, cognac, grappa, pear brandy. Have 1/2 bottle of a middling port and a couple random bottles of wine. Have 1/2 a homewrecker of stoli's. Completely out of stand-on-their-own liqueurs. Only have the additives. At this rate I'll be drinking rum and tequila by the weekend if I don't remedy this fast.
I feel like one of the customers in Assault on Tony's.

Tonight we are going to dinner at the club with Jeff and Kristen. Should be a roaring good time. I plan on beginning the evening with a Tanqueray Ten martini. We will then get a bottle of the wine club's featured white. For the 1st course last time I had the lobster bisque, which was fantastic. Tonight I will try the tableside caesar. Then they better have a rack of something. I know they sometimes have rack of veal which I desire greatly but I will settle for rack of lamb. With the main course we will get the featured red, if it fits well with my meal choice. I will then have dessert, coffee, and a Remy Martin VSOP if they don't have the Germain-Robin, which they probably fucking don't. (until I make them get it).
Lady Head will drive my charming ass home where I will have one or two cask-strength Macallans (which I will go buy now) on the rocks. Then I will rock out to Journey while stomping around the house in my underwear until such time as Lady Head finds something suitable on the teevee or I just decide to go to bed.

2005-11-15T11:27:00.000-06:00

Fuck working. How the fuck can I stay home all day and watch the teevee?
Although it hasn't been good to me this past week.

Currently watching season 3 of 24. Man, what a letdown. Crap plot, McGuffin (sp?), Bauer-style ninja-ing, bad guys, CTU SWAT/Delta skills (that's normal though), etc. etc. etc.

They are fucking cancelling Arrested Development. Seriously, what kind of retards are in charge at Fox? Cancelled Family Guy, Futurama, Greg the Bunny, etc. and keep utter, utter crap.

Boondocks on Adult Swim is a nice surprise however. I anticipated hating this show and it's pretty good.

Movie-wise I've got a huge chubby for Walk the Line on Friday. Although we can't actually see it on Friday because we have a champagne tasting that night. 30 fucking champagnes. I'm gonna get llllloooooooaaaaaaaadddddeeeedddd. Cab home I'm sure.

I was perusing imdb.com and was checking out Sin City 2 which will be wonderful. Also I saw that they are making a sequel to Elizabeth called Elizabeth: The Golden Age. Blanchett may or may not be back as the virgin queen but, more importantly, Geoffrey Rush is back as Walsingham!!! And even better: Clive Owen as Raleigh (man-crush alert!).

In personal news, the Heads have joined to City Club and are living the high life, surrounded by people that can buy and sell us. At least they call me "Doctor." I feel lik e we are in Caddyshack.

Yay you crazy fuck!

2005-11-11T15:08:00.000-06:00

Pat Robertson is a hero. And by hero I mean evil, senile fucktard that should be put down like a sick dog. Maybe that's not the best word.

P.S. I still hate that cunt Paglia. But I've already done one of her shitty interviews here and I'm not drunk enough to repeat myself because she's still saying the same cunty things.
P.P.S. A lot.
P.P.P.S. OK, just one - Here's a quote: "My point of view on life is cinematic, as is abundantly clear from my prior books, not only my study of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds for the British Film Institute (1998) but Sexual Personae (1990), where I argue that the cinematic "Western eye" was born in ancient Egypt. Others beside myself have noted how Plato's allegory of the cave in the Republic strangely prefigures a movie screen and theater."

Maybe because they both require you to look at things. Holy shit! Looking at things. With our eyes. Fucking amazing. They're practically identical! Nice job you snobby, stuck-up bitch.

P.P.P.P.S. Dammit I just reread it (I'm a sucker for punishment) One more quote - "As a columnist for Salon.com from its inaugural issue in 1995, I was also a pioneer of Web journalism."
You're so wonderful!

P.P.P.P.P.S. "The essence of the rebellious 1960s, in which both she and I remain grounded, was improvisation, prankishness, an experimental attitude toward life. "
Gah! You sure are a rebel. No drugs (although she somehow knew how they made you feel and think b/c she hung out with those people) and a cushy job in academia analyzing shitty poems. You certainly are an asskicker.

Disaster averted!

2005-11-08T11:24:00.000-06:00

What a weekend. A rollercoaster of emotions.
First we need to backtrack a bit. Weds. night I stayed up 2 hours late to make sure I finished one of the 24 discs from Netflix so I could send it back Thurs. so I could get the last disc of the season mailed out on Friday so I could get it on Sat. and I wouldn't have to wait until Tues. to see theend (it's season 2 - which I hadn't seen before). So by Friday I finished all of them except for the last one. I was eagerly awaiting the last disc. Yes, I am a winner in life obviously.
So Friday I get an email from Netflix. "For Sat: Dr. Strangelove"
WTF??!?!!? That's like 5 spaces down on my queue. Where the fuck is disc 6 of 24 - Season 2?
So I write them a long email saying that this is fucked, I stayed up late, missed work, etc. all in order to time it up right. I get some form letter back saying my concerns are important, they will take them into consideration, etc.

So now I'm looking at like 4 full days until I can find out how Jack Bauer saves the day. Totally unacceptable. You know how 24 is - it's like crack.
Then, being the pragmatist I am, I think - Hey, I still have that Blockbuster Card on my key ring. So I drive way the fuck to blockbuster only to find that they have all of Season 2 except disc 6. It's not rented out, they just don't fucking have it. Man, that must piss off alot of people.

So then I get a vague recovered memory that the guy who runs my weekly poker game has some 24 discs at his house. Great! I call him. Voicemail. Not great.

Then I recall that they just opened a new Hollywood Video near Casa de Head. I call and -angels sing- they've got it! Huzzah! I tell Mathew at Hollywood Video to put it aside, I'll be right in.
Lady Head's got a hankering for a pizza and there's a restaurant right next to Hollywood Video so I order carryout - Life is GOOD!

I get there and they have it, I fill out the application for membership and the guy gives the disc for free since it's my first rental - Life is GREAT!

I go over to the pizza place (first time visiting - it was also new) and find they are cheap as hell. A huge, greasy pizza for $5.65. Life is undescribable!

I go to pay, what's this? Where's my fucking money? I know I had $11 in this pocket. Oh no! Adidas pants pockets strike again! The money must have fell out when I took my wallet out to get my DL and CC for the Hollywood membership. I debit card the pizza and run back over to the video store. No no money found. Ther was this white trash couple behind me. I bet they took the money. they probably saw it fall out and didn't say anything those fuckers. I fucking hate losing money.

Why didn't I have it in my wallet you ask? I respond - shut up.

So my viewing of 24 was bittersweet.

Jesus Christ, does this guy get any worse.

2005-11-03T14:29:00.000-06:00

Michael Brown just becomes a bigger and bigger fucktard.

The article stands on it's own. No comment needed.

Courtesy

2005-11-02T10:09:00.000-06:00

I think I talked before about a conversation the Evil Doctor and I had once on how amazing it is when you're educated with an idea and you just can't believe anyone ever believed otherwise. Usually this is in science when we talk about it. His example, as I remember it, is Cell Theory. Because that's all we've been exposed to from the beginning of our schooling we have trouble wrapping our heads around people ever believing an alternative.
I can't remember my example.

Anyways, I kind of got a little of this with all the Rosa Parks stuff on the news. I just can't imagine some guy telling some older lady to get up so he can sit down.
It's amazing to me.

Still feeling poorly so not much else going on.

But I have been watching the second season of 24 from Netflix. Jack Bauer = total badass ninja.

Blech.

2005-10-31T12:28:00.000-06:00

I'm sick so few updates until I'm better.

But this caught my attention. About time those limeys got something right.

Whew!

2005-10-25T14:59:00.000-05:00

Well, I've been drinking for about 2 weeks straight. I'm such a winner.
No time to write one of my long, insightful posts since I have to revise those manuscripts and send another one off.
I'm such a grownup.

P.S. I just realized I said "I'm such a grownup." right after I said that I've been drinking for 2 weeks straight. I'm gonna leave it as is. I like it.

P.P.S. Please note that Isabella has started posting again. Mr. Wells and Talula, you're on teh chopping block unless I see some activity soon.

Here's to swimmin' with bow-legged women.

2005-10-21T13:58:00.000-05:00

"In fact he was one of those sea-dogs in whom all the hardship and peril of naval life in the great prolonged wars of his time never impaired the natural instinct for sensuous enjoyment. His duty he always faithfully did; but duty is sometimes a dry obligation, and he was for irrigating its aridity whensoever possible with a fertilizing decoction of strong waters."
- Melville

This guy is awesome.

2005-10-20T12:08:00.000-05:00

I wish I were this crazy.

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies

2005-10-20T11:31:00.000-05:00

Yay Heads!
Another paper accepted!
This get-rich-quick scheme of doing science may actually work out.

I'm not an abject failure!

2005-10-18T17:26:00.000-05:00

Just a regular failure!

Lady Head and I just got one of our manuscripts accepted. Hardly any revisions.

Off to the bar!

Shuffle up and deal!

2005-10-17T09:43:00.000-05:00

So we got out of town at about 4pm. We got to the casino about 9ish. We checked in and I went right to poker. Figured I'd start with some 3/6 hold'em. Wow these people are horrid. That said, I lost a couple of pots and decided to move to no limit. Originally it was a good idea since I ran my stack up from 120 to 350ish in about 30 minutes. I now have a greater understanding of the word "producer" when it comes to poker. There was this drunk guy that was a total asshole. Luckily he was also very bad at poker. I mean fucking terrible. So bad in fact, that when he finally lost all his money I considered leaving the game. But his buddies were still there and they were also bad. But I got it all in with KK against - go ahead, guess - yep, AA and lost it all.
I then took a break and visited the Evil Dcotor. I convinced him to do a Jager Bomb (I wasn't going to drink it) but they didn't have Red Bull. I would have paid handsomely to see that.

Then I went back to the game. Got a nice stack. Was thinking about leaving at 3 am considering how fucking drunk I was. Free whiskey makes Head LOOOOOOAAAAADDDDDEEEEDDDD. Probably should have. About 5am I managed to squint through the alcoholic haze and saw AA. Ran into 22 which isn't a problem until a 3rd 2 comes. Idiot. Rebuy and get a little of it back.

Finally go to bed. Wake up at 8:30, grab a buffet, and back to the game. Couple of beers and I'm good. Even on the day after 2 hours and they say there's a $105 tournament about to start. Well, why not? Rough time. I was starting to feel the effects of the previous night. Some guy was smoking next to me and I really thought I was going to vomit right there on the table. After busting out I went and took a nap. Woke up, had dinner with ED. And went back to the no limit game. First hand I lost $50. I said fuck this and went to 3/6. While waiting, my head was pounding, pounding, oh God why doesn't it stop pounding? I could not find asprin anywhere. Finally I gave on of the waitstaff $5 to find me some asprin. That helped, and I made the brilliant decision to switch to highballs instead of straight whiskey. With several of those under my belt my headache was gone and I proceeded to completely crush that game and win quite a bit.

I'm amazed I won considering that my brain wasn't working too well. One hand I looked at one card, a Q, and then the other card, a Q and got excited. Well turns out I looked at the same card twice. Everyone got a kick out of that one.

I was thinking that it was about 9pm. I thought that I had a good session and I'll go watch a movie or something. I asked the guy next to me what time it was. He said 10 minutes 'til 1. What??? I figured it's really time to go.

So, after room, board, and other expenses I spent $200, so that's good.

We got back about 5pm. Felt like Manhattan-thirty to me so we started drinking again. Lady Head made dinner and we dropped ED off at the airport at 8pm.

All in all a fun weekend, full of much needed debauchery.

Feeling a little run down today. Hence the crappier than usual post.

End of the world/ The most I've ever lost gambling.

2005-10-13T12:35:00.000-05:00

Oh. My. Fucking. God.
That's it. I just lost more than I can afford.
GA here I come. I've learned my lesson. Just let me get through this.

I lost a bet and now I have to go see - and write a report on - Roll Bounce.

I have a disease. I'm sick. Someone help me.

P.S. Evil Doctor is coming into town tomorrow and we're headed to Tunica to do some heavy drinking and gambling biznatch! Wish us luck!

2005-10-10T10:17:00.000-05:00

Just came across Turbo's haiku.

J. Crew 'log not here
Starbucks sans Cappuccinos
Life not worth living

He promised more but we have yet to see any.

Anyway, great weekend. Kinda fuzzy though. Yesterday I was going to see "A History of Violence" but Lady Head didn't feel like going. She said for me to go but we ended up deciding on having a "Headstock"

You know what movie is awesome when your high? Footloose. Just completely ridiculous. You won't stop laughing. And, holy shit, Chris Penn is all rocked up in it!

Then we made a huge dinner. Lady Head's famous caesar salad, pasta, meatballs, cheesecake. I was fat and happy.

Ha ha ha ha.

2005-10-07T14:02:00.000-05:00

This is the guy you're "dating".

Also funny.

Happy Booze Day!

2005-10-07T12:39:00.000-05:00

So I never felt closer to this article than today. Specifically the staying home from work and drinking because a good movie was on. I had to come home after working out to wait for the HVAC guy to come inspect our unit. They rescheduled for Weds. but I really did not feel like going to work. Then I saw Killing Zoe was about to start and I hadn't seen that movie in ages. Unfortunately I actually didn't drink and celebrate "Booze Day" and I just came in to work.
Sigh. Someday.

The other thing is I'm about fed up with these spammers. While I'm mildly entertained by how they half-heartedly try to give an appearance that they are actual bloggers that just stumbled on your blog and they really like your writing (pretty much proof that they haven't read word one of this blog).

Also, it's pretty evident that I have nobody to argue with down here since I continuously and purposely take The Ash-Hole's lame baiting in my comment section just for the pleasure of arguing with someone.
Sigh.

My last word on that subject is that he's a dirty pinko hippie and I am awesome.

Fuck you Roy Jones Jr.

2005-10-03T10:54:00.000-05:00

Fuck you, you lazy, timid cocksucker.
Did any of you see the "fight" on saturday? What a travesty. One round Jones threw eight punches. Not landed, threw (he landed one of those). Eight. In the entire round. It was disgusting. I was watching it with about 15 people and we were all just amazed.
Now Jones' heart hasn't been in it for a few years. I guess when you're considered the best of all time for so long you may lose some of that drive. So sure, spend more time training fighting cocks in Mexico. Put out an album. What? A bit part in one of the Matrix movies? Sure why not.
But Tarver dropped him last time. I assumed that this would motivate Jones. Gotta think of the legacy and all. Plus he got his dad back as a trainer.

Wow, was I fucking wrong. He spent most of the fight dancing around, doing his Roy Jones Jr. thing. Hands down, tongue out - showboating. He managed to land a good punch here and there until about the 5th round. Just one punch at a time. No combos, no follow up.
After that, he just tried to avoid getting hit. Still almost got knocked the fuck out.

It's sad. I loved Roy Jones Jr. No one came close. And now he's a piece of shit. It's kind of like the first time I saw Color of Money. It's an OK movie on its own I guess. I'm guessing because if you've ever seen The Hustler it's one of the most depressing movies of all time. Paul Newman is... so...old. C'mon, you're Paul fucking Newman. He should have been killed after Slapshot.

And yes, part of it is that I lost a bundle. The idealism in me said that Jones was gonna win this one. He took money out of Lady Head's pocket.

Also, fuck the Cleveland Indians. Not to channel my grandfather but - what a bunch of bums. How many times can you screw up a great situation?
More money out of Lady Head's pockets.

Lastly, I don't like the new theme song on "The Batman" cartoon.
I like the old one much better.

"Unlikely Angel" update

2005-09-28T13:02:00.000-05:00

Remember Ashley Smith? Sure you do. She's the woman who was taken hostage after the court shootings in Atlanta some time ago. I talked about it here. Remember, she wrote a book? "Unlikely Angel: The Untold Story of the Atlanta Hostage Hero"
She talked about how she read to the guy from "The Purpose Driven Life" and that inspired him and saved her life.

Well I guess reading inspirational stories to him works better when he's all geeked out from the crystal meth that you gave him.
Wow, she's such a hero. So heroic in fact that she had the foresight to lose custody of her 5 year old daughter because of her drug use so she wouldn't be in the house when that mean ol' man took her hostage.

Brava Ashley. You're wonderful.

BOW DOWN!

2005-09-28T12:01:00.000-05:00

Also at Tightly Wound was a link to a quiz on political ideology (the link below is messed up). I figured I'd be pretty much in the center.
Well, it's all relative I guess. To be fair, the issues I'm liberal on (them queers, bitches, race, health care, etc were pretty much absent form the test.

You are a
Social Conservative
(38% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(31% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Totalitarian

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

She's gotta gold tooth, you know she's hardcore...

2005-09-28T11:43:00.000-05:00

Lady Head needs a big gold tooth now.
Anyhoo, yesterday we had a spirited argument in lab about baby strollers inpired by this article. Me being in favor of giant, ankle-smashing ones of course. Fuck those people. Reminds me of the whole "I should get paid more because I don't have kids and people that do have them get more health insurance, day care, etc."
Tightly Wound has a top-notch writeup on the stroller thing.

Last night came in 25th out of 1,620 in a poker tournament. Man, I can play good for 4 hours and then really have a monstrous brainfart and bust with one dumb hand. So instead of the $3.5K I expected to win for 1st place I got $72.

This was exciting. First pictures of a live, healthy, adult giant squid. And they ripped one of its tentacles off. Nice job jerks.

She ain't no holla back girl.

2005-09-27T10:54:00.000-05:00

She's a straight up gangsta!
Lady Head's new tattoo.

These are the old days, the bad days, the all-or-nothing days!

2005-09-26T10:21:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I won $700 playing cards. So I'm going to do the mature thing with the money and meet the Evil Doctor at Tunica to gamble some more.
Lady Head's getting a tattoo today. Actually adding to already existing tattoos.
Pictures to follow.
That made me think. I'm kind of a little sissy considering I don't have a gigundous tattoo taking up most of my back. So I'll have to get one. Either an art deco angel (maybe 2 of them, one on each side) or Marv from Sin City. Or maybe Marv as an angel. Who knows?
Details to follow.

Get away from me you creepy fuckers! (warning: petty content)

2005-09-23T14:43:00.000-05:00

Why is it wherever I go to work there's some creepy asshole that hangs out in the lobby all day? You know the type, stares at everyone when they leave lab to go to the bathroom, there at all hours, usually bad hygeine.
In Chicago there were multiple guys like this. Well, we now have one down here.
This guy's a treat. He's obviously an undergrad. An undergrad majoring in business, economics, or the ilk. What's he doing in a building dedicated entirely to the biological science? Who fucking knows?
Anyhoo, he's here all day and night studying. Whatever. Except he has long animated arguments with his mom on the cell phone when people are trying to read or something down there. Once he started an argument and I was down there. As I was just about to tell him to go somewhere else I heard the word "methamphetamine." Ooh, that sounds like gossip. now, this kid isn't a biker. He's a skinny, pale nerdlinger. Turns out he's arguing with his mommy because she found some pills or something. He's all "I know what they do." and "I need them to focus."
After about 2 minutes of this my anger at him being discourteous overcame my lust for the misfortune of others and I told him to quiet down or go somewhere else. He ended the phone call.
Now to the other thing. He always has his bare feet up on a chair. So the busybody of the floor said she was oging to say something so I left it alone. But after a week or two she hadn't done anything so I saw him and told him that some people didn't appreciate that, this wasn't his living room, etc.
He was all "I'm sorry, I didn't know, thatnks for telling me." and he put his feet down.
Everything's good.
Then yesterday, I saw him with his fucking feet up again! There was a lab meeting going on at a different table so I didn't want to say anything.
Gah, it's like he's slapping me in the face.
I narrowed down my responses to four options.
1) Sit down at the table and give him the "Listen man, I'm just asking for some courtesy here."
2) Periodically I see him in the weightroom now. Same conversation as 1) but right after I finish a set of bench press. Plus I'll add some intimidating phrases and body language.
3) Sic Lady Head on him.
4) This is my personal favorite. I noticed he keeps his books and shit in a cupboard in the fucking lobby! Anyway, steal one of his books. Not all of them because then foul play is clear. One of them will drive him crazy - "Did I take it home?", "Did I leave it out?", "Did someone take it?"
Plus he's obviously an obsessive student and can't study now and his grades may slip.
Plus books are fucking expensive.
Downside of this is that he will think he "won" the battle of his feet against me.
Thoughts?

I can't believe I am 31 years old, have a PhD, a wife, and a house, and am plotting against a little fuckwad like this.

Fuck David Sedaris

2005-09-19T13:47:00.000-05:00

I really can't stand this fucking guy.
"Hey! Look at me! I make super witty observations about life! And I have the most annoying voice ever! Complete douchebags like me because supposedly I'm 'smart' humor!"
If I never hear anything by him again I'll die happy.
Once we were at a party and the host decided to have everyone stop having fun so we could listen to some David Sedaris.
The whole time I'm sitting there thinking "That's the fucking punchline?" and "Good Lord I'd like to take a tire iron to this guy."

Then I was talking to Kid Awesome the other day about his class that he teaches (Freshman Composition) and he was saying that you need to assign books, essays, or films for the students to write shit on. Some of the other TA's (some as in 'more than one') give their students David Sedaris and can't seem to understand why their students don't like him because "Oh my God, he's just hilarious!"
18 year old kids in Idaho probably find his wry commentary on life in the city even less funny than I do (if that's possible).
What a jerkoff.
So...Fuck David Sedaris.

Yeah I know, the others in the series had better background.

P.S. I jsut saw one of the fattest people I've ever seen down outside the coffeeshop in our building. I mean, I was amazed this person is ambulatory.

Lame Monday Post

2005-09-19T10:47:00.000-05:00

What a terrific weekend!
First off, Saturday we had a wine and cheese party to celebrate my birthday and Lady Head's crushing of her qualifying exam.
It was hilarious, we had limited the guest list to 10 of the most sophisticated people we know around here. Lady Head said it was going to be civilized so she was going to open 4 bottles of wine. I just laughed at her and went to the liquor store to buy more wine. She said "What did you do that for? It's a tasting." I laughed harder. Long story short, something on the order of 14 bottles of wine, most of a homewrecker of JD, and multiple ports later we all were roaring drunk outside. Good think the Head Compound is fairly isolated.
I'm pretty sure I was charming and witty as always.
Then next day was "There is no fucking way I'm leaving the house today and you're damn lucky if I leave this bed."
It was the perfect hungover day. It was the first fall day, climate-wise and we opened all the windows and watched movies in bed. Sin City is a kick-ass hangover movie.
Moving on, and I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but The War at Home is quite possible the worst fucking show that has ever aired. Good Lord man, the spot between The Simpsons and Family Guy is platinum and you shove that crap in there. Clearly that's where Arrested Development belongs. Although Monday's are even more awesome now since Arrested is there now.
Also, if you're bored at work go listen to the Hitchens-Galloway debate at http://kpftx.org/
I love British people arguing. They're mean as hell.
I used the direct links and the debate actually starts about 30 minutes into the second link. Try to get it close because otherwise you'll listen to a bunch of morons circle-jerk each other for 1.5 hours. Seriously, these people make me wish we had more wars just out of spite for their granola chewing asses.

Fuck Donald Sutherland

2005-09-16T10:30:00.000-05:00

Yay! Our second in the series.
This one was inspired by the "Proust Questionnaire" in the back of Vanity Fair.
(Yeah, I know, what do you expect form something called the "Proust Questionnaire" but shutup or you'll be next in the series.)
His answer to every question just shows what a fucktard he is. Below are some of the questions and answers DS gave (my comment in bold). Obviously he's a sensitive intellectual that we should all admire greatly. Gah! I hate when entertainment monkeys think that because they can 'member all them lines and contort their faces in the right emotional expressions that they know shit from shit.

VF: What is your idea of perfect happiness?
DS: A peace pursuing government I can support.

Wow, that would give him total happiness. Not anything about loved ones or health or anything that non-pompus assholes usually say. I can see it now "My wife has cancer, all my friends hate me, and I'm destitute - but Ralph Nader's in office, I couldn't be happier!" Way to inject politics into everything, hippie.

VF: What historical figure do you most identify with?
DS: Dr. Norman Bethune.

Sweet baby Jesus. You (Donald Sutherland) identifies most with Bethune? Let's see, he's a legend in the medical field due to many advances he made, gave selflessly to those less fortunate, and risked his life during several wars to help his fellow man. All this after he almost died from TB.
You were in MASH.
I can see it.

VF: What living person do you most admire?
DS: Arundhati Roy.

Nice. Wow, an author that spent time in jail due to her defending her beliefs. I guess that's honorable. Wait, what's that? How long did she spend in jail? One day? And she's an anti-nuke protester in a huge democracy that doesn't kill and torture dissidents? And she's rich? Good job Donald! Way to slap all of the people fighting for rights in Iran, Cuba, Afghanistan, etc. etc. et-muthafuckin-c.

VF: What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
DS: The inability to fluently speak my wife's language.

Wow. that's your biggest problem? Oh Donnie, you're so sensitive. I hope my wife leaves me for you.

VF: Which talent would youmost like to have?
DS: Wit, as defined by Alexander Pope in "The Rape of the Lock."

Couldn't just leave it at something lame like "Wit." Had to make sure we knew he is really well-read. P.S. Fuck Pope.

VF: If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
DS: Their inheritance. By that, I mean, what we have done to the world we have borrowed from them.

This doesn't even make any sense. You borrowed the world from your family and they are inheriting it from you? What? I can't get this one to make sense.
Anyhoo, isn't it your generation that started fucking things up Donnie? You senile old prick.

VF: What is your favorite occupation?
DS: Imagining

I believe this one stands on its own.

VF: What is the quality you most like in a woman?
DS: Acuity.

Sigh. Could this be considered vaguely insulting towards women? Anyway. Friggin' awful answer. Everybody knows it's "Boobs."

VF: Who are your favorite writers?
DS: T.S. Eliot, Yeats, Joyce - the list goes on. Ayn Rand is not on it.

Oh no! Sutherland doesn't like Ayn Rand! I better burn my books. Why the fuck would you make a point that you don't like Ayn Rand. Especially after a turd-filled list like that.

How would you like to die?
DS: By my own hand, with those I love gathered around me drinking a fine Bordeaux rouge.

First off, I like his uneccessary use of French here by slapping the rouge on the end. He's soooo educated. Second, what the fuck is this? I'm sure that way of dying wouldn't be traumatic for anyone.
"C'mere little Timmy, wait, here's a dixie cup of a fine Bordeaux rouge. That means red Timmy. Yes I know it's kind of purple but it's called red. OK, where were we? Oh yes, I was going to slit my wrists and leave this mortal coil. See Timmy, the key to killing yourself right is to cut lengthwise, not across. Back up Timmy, otherwise you'll get grandads's bloodspray. Or maybe hit with one of my flailing limbs when I finally expire and convulse. Oh, here, put this vapo-rub under your nose for when grandad's bowels release. Yeah, I already tried to make a doodie but this warmongering government has got my GI tract tied up in knots. Did you know I was in MASH?"

Good Luck!

2005-09-15T10:18:00.000-05:00

Lady Head is currently taking her Qualifying Exam. She's been working on this shit for months now. It's really cut into her drinking.
Let's all wish her luck and this will be over soon.
ED, light a candle for her at morning mass.

Update: Lady Head wins! Passed with flying colors. In fact, it's supposed to go 2 hours and at 30 minutes one of her committee starting asking if they were done yet. Then at the 40 minute mark another one of her committee said "She knows her stuff, let's ask her some fun stuff."
Afterwards, the DGS said she's going to be a great scientist.
House husbandry - here I come.

Update II: So I had to have a celebratory scotch at lunch. Macallan 12 year. $14.50. Are you fucking kidding me? The whole friggin' bottle is $55 or so. How do these assholes sleep at night?

Hitchhikers

2005-09-15T09:24:00.000-05:00

Who the fuck picks these people up? I see them more frequently down here than up north.
I mean it's not like your picking up Kerouac here. Your typical hitcher looks like a serial rapist that hasn't bathed in a few months. I bet they smell like provolone cheese.

Yay me!

2005-09-13T09:49:00.000-05:00

OK, so yesterday was my birthday. Although we weren't going to celebrate it until the end of the week since Lady Head has her Quals on Thursday.
So yesterday morning I was pretty bummed. Just in general. Back in the old days me, ED, Ash-hole, etc. would have been drinking already.
So it's getting close to my birthminute and I'm like "There's no fucking way I'm going to be sitting alone in lab pretending to work when that rolls around." So I decide to sneak out and go home and see Lady Head and the mammals.
I go home and WTF? Lady Head is nowhere to be found (she was supposed to be home studying all day.
So I decide to take a nap. Pretty soon Kraepelin and Orson are up in bed with me and I'm the snoring bulldog and velvety hot water bottle are improving my mood. Purkinje and P-Lo stop by to say hi and even Nala got in on the act.
On a side note, Nala roams around all the time now and seems to be doing great.
So then I hear "What are you doing home?"
It's Lady Head. She closes the door and says not to come out.
Long story short, she had a cake and presents for Head. DVDs (Big Trouble in Little CHina, Gator, all three Smokey and the Bandits, and Sin City - the Marv cover [Eat it Ash-hole!]). So I had a birthday party after all.
But, no time to dawdle, I had to get back to work in time to leave for the wine-tasting. Oh no!
A high speed journey later and I'm drinking at The Acorn. Pretty kick ass. The find of the night was KitFox vineyards. I would have never bought anything called "Foxy Red" or "Foxy White" but they're really good and inexpensive. Check them out.
Plus I may join the City Club now. Booze, golf, food, and poker. Guess I need to take up golf. Huggala Huggala Huggala!

And then tonight we have a wine dinner. I'm sure I'll be charming as hell considerign I've been drinking for about a week straight.

Bored.

2005-09-07T15:52:00.000-05:00

Christ I'm bored.
You people are lame. Don't you ever think of anyone other than yourselves? Post something on your blog, post something on my blog, send me something entertaining.
For fuck's sake, what am I paying you for?

Life is good.

2005-09-07T10:23:00.000-05:00

I've got two manuscripts submitted, am on a really hot streak gambling, had drinks before 5pm 3 times last workweek (once before noon), Orson's eyes are fixed, Lady Head's quals are almost over, I turn 31 next Monday, my liquor store is about to start the "Around the world in 80 wines" weekly tasting series, and I've managed to work out (including cardio!) regularly for the past couple weeks.
I also have filled my Monday night television vacuum with Weeds and Prison Break (Which is actually a good show).

Oh, for those of you that didn't know, Orson had "Cherry Eye" where one of his tear ducts evert and they need to be put back. Minor procedure and he's looks and feels much better now.

When will it come crashing down?