Big Ron's World

Since I made a St. Jude blog I decided to periodically gift you all little fragments of Big Ron's world because it's one of the most surreal existences I've ever seen.
I first met BR in college when I yanked The Evil Twin into my room to savage him for breaking all of the 1st floor windows in our dorm. BR was there. Then the next week we got drunk and I saw BR chug the largest glass of Jameson's I've ever seen. He then accidentally pissed on St. Jude's shoes.
Adventures followed.
He then got me a job bouncing in the Cleveland Flats.
More adventures.
Then I left St. Jude and BR for Chicago and graduate school. Now I only see BR a couple of times a year but they're all memorable. BR is amazing. Thug made good.
So now follows the first installment of "The World of Big Ron".
(Disclaimer: We here at The Head don't neccessarily follow all if BR's philosophies. I'm provided them for your education.)

BR 1) I called him 2 Fridays ago at 2pm his time for some motivation. He said "You want motivation? I'm in a strip club."
He then informed me of the three most important things in life. Supposedly if I never lose sight of these I'll always be happy.
Here they are, in this order:
1) Money
2) Sleep
3) Pussy

And he added "You can put gambling up there too. Any gambling."

BR2) Chrissy is BR's gal. They've been together ~7-8yrs or so and he hasn't married her. I've been lobbying though for the last 4 or 5. I first met her in the same place Ron did. In the strip club (I'd love for them to get married. Can you imagine the toast? "When I first met the bride she was naked."). Chissy has sinced move on to a professional job. Ron thinks he can't be tied down. When she wanted to move in several years ago BR refused. She persisted and to get her off his back he bought her a house (BR makes ~20x what I do. And I have a university job. Shit, Chrissy at least triples me - I'm in the wrong business. But still he made it out like he was a player "You see how I got that bitch off my back?" BR, You bought her a HOUSE!). Chrissy got the last word. When BR knocked her up 2 years ago she kicked everyone out of BR's house (except his brother - his probation won't let him leave) and moved in. One time she found out some other stripper gave BR a humjob. She didn't say a thing to BR until after she walked into the club and beat the shit out of the other girl.

BR2a) BR bought Chrissy boobs for her birthday.

BR2b) Chrissy has a kid from a previous relationship. Ron has a beautiful purebred Tonkinese cat. Quote "If my cat and Chrissy's kid were in the street, I'd grab the cat, 'cuz I didn't pay shit for the kid."

BR3) Ron has an escalade and a land rover with TVs, DVD players (always porn) and PS2s in them. Awesome.

BR4) Sitting with me, The Dean, and The Counselor over whiskies (referring to Chrissy): "I don't know why I'm still with her. I used to be broke but still did well with bitches. Now I've got the houses, I've got the cars, I've got the abs. Why am I limiting myself?"

BR5) He and I once drank a fifth of tequila in less than 1/2 hour. Nighty night.

BR6) BR went from drinking Dom straight to bonging beers on his 30th (!) birthday (See previous posts.)

OK that's enough for now. Despite the picture I'm painting BR is a wonderful human being. More to come.

BTW, I'm taking tomorrow off to wait for installation of our security system. I'm going to have my first cocktail at 10-11am CST. Please join me. No work for anyone tomorrow. It's Head Day.

Happy Head Day everyone!