a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs, for no good reason.

Anyways, I was reflecting the other day (as I'm wont to do about a variety of high-brow subjects) on how much wonderfuler my cable TV has become over the past couple years. Not only do I get a million channels (something like 50+ movie channels - I have like 8 HBOs - but no Trio down here unfortunately) and the pay-per-views, but the free OnDemand is wicked awesome. For those of you ignorant savages that don't know what this is, it's basically a selection from various channels that is free to the subscriber. You have control over them as well. Start one and you can pause, rewind, FF, stop and watch later, etc. Let's say it's 1pm on a Tuesday. I've had 4 whiskeys and I've got a lust for Harvey Birdman. Well just go to the Adult Swim OnDemand and bam! you've got HB.
Next is the DVR. OMG. Hot Rod and others said it was like the remote control, once you got it you can't imagine life without it. I agree. For the rubes out there it's basically Tivo. It has the TV on a slight delay and is buffering it continuously. So you can pause, record, rewind "live" TV. Let's say I'm watching 24 (Jack Bauer is totally a ninja, yo) and I have to poop. Just pause it, drop a load (did I have mexican?), and I'm back. Also the recording is awesome. Two tuners so I can record two programs at once. It holds about 60 hours. I'm never missing an episode of Deadwood (or the History Sunday prison and conspiracy minimarathon) again.

So right now I imagine you're saying "Head, we know all this. Doesn't you feeling the need to explain all of this make you the rube?" Great point Jimmy, but wrong. See, no matter where I am I always am exposed to these people that think that not having cable TV somehow makes them more cultured and intellectual. You know the type I'm talking about. They talk about their cutted-offedness from the world as some kind of badge of honor. The Unabomber didn't have cable either, jerks. They actually point out that they have no idea what your talking about because "I don't have cable." Now some of my closest friends are these people ( I am very accepting of other people's faults) but it just makes me want to give them a wedgie (you know who you are).

This almost started my standard rant on cable TV being the greatest technological innovation of the last 60 years for educating people (better than the internet for sure) but that's another post.