Romantic Dinner for Two at...HOOTERS! (A guest post by Lady Head)

The foundation of Senior Head's and my marriage rests on many things, one of which being our combined appreciation for the glory that is Hooters. Hooters has the best friggin' chicken wings on the planet. For those of you who dont know what Hooter's is (which i cant imagine as a Hooters just opened up a restaurant in Hong Kong for fuck's sake), it is a bar/restaurant that features voluptuous young women in tight white tank tops with tight orange butt-shorts (so tight they obviate the need for underwear) serving you greasy piles of orange-colored buffalo wings. As you walk in the door, the cacophonous ring of high-pitched sugary voices call out "HI!!! WELCOME TO HOOTERS!!!!! And once you hear it, you know you are in for the delightful treat that are the 3-mile island hot wings. So it is implicit from my description of Hooters why men are drawn to the place. Titties titties titties. Ass ass ass. So why would any self-respecting heterosexual woman want to eat wings while staring down at the artificial cleavage of some high-pitched bimbo? In fact, i've heard from many a woman on "how awful Hooters is" and "how those girls are sluts" etc. Well, all of that is bunk. First of all, those that have tasted Hooter's wings know that the wings could carry the restaurant, even without the boobies. In fact, i held my bridesmaid luncheon at Hooters, not of my own volition, but because a bridesmaid requested it (for the fucking WINGS, bee-ya!!) and another one seconded it (and she was a vegetarian. Hooters has good fries as well). And none of us are fatty-fatty bo-bratties either (although i'm trying to work my way there) so you know we still can be picky eaters. So we agree Hooters is delicious. But aside from the good wings, i love the Hooters girls ta-tas too! Now i like cock as much as the next heterosexual girl, but i can also appreciate a nice rack when i see one. And some of these girls have gazongas! I mean, they must have supersized their implants. And they stuff those ta-tas so beautifully into a demi-shaped bra (which the ladies will know as "cleavage enhancers"), which is further crammed into a painfully tight tank top. Plus these girls are drenched in make-up, with hair done up to the roof. And i love it! They are so incredibly slutty looking that it is a priveledge to see it and have these wonderful ladies bring me another Michy Ultra. I mean, anyone can get naked and dance on a bar. But to cram your ass into a tight outfit (which there is NO WAY IN HELL it can be comfortable) and carry a tray of hotwings and beers, all the while maintaining a sugary sweet composure when dirty old men and just-turned-21-working-as a roofer/landscaper--young hoodlums are asking you for your phone number and for you to pose with them for a picture--well that takes some major minerals (or ta-tas in this case) to do. I think the women that appalled by Hooters are merely threatened by these women. Me, not so much. Hooter's girls' tits are larger than life. Both of mine would barely fit into one cup of their bras. So i dont feel in competition--kind of like comparing apples to oranges (or oranges to grapes in this case). Plus i know i could never carry a tray of drinks without dropping it, so they are highly skilled. And i'm sure they appreciate me--not looking as hot but saving the world with my immense intellect and magical neuroscientist abilities. So my hat is off to Hooters and the Hooters' girls that work so hard to be over-the-top. For the men: come to Hooters for the titties, stay for the wings. For the ladies: come to Hooters for the wings, stay for the titties. I order you to go to your local Hooters tonight, knock back some wings and beer, respect the waitress that serves you, and reward that amazing rack of ta-ta excellence with a nice gratuity.