Bauer-mania

Just saw this. One repeat in it.

30 Random Jack Bauer Facts: All True

1) If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

2)Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

3)If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

4) Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

5) Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

6) Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

7) 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

8) Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

9) Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

10) Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

11) Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

12) If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're fucked.

13) Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

14) When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

15) Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.

16) Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

17) If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.

18) If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.

19) When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

20) Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

21) As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"

22) Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

23) In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

24) Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

25) Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

26) Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.

27) When terrorists go to hell, if they say Jack Bauer sent them, they'll get a group discount.

28) Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.

29) When you come face to face with Jack Bauer, you can do things the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is ingesting your cyanide pill.

30) Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.