McGuire Angry. McGuire SMASH!

I can't stand turning on the teevee and seeing the fucking steroid-baseball-congress shit. You fucking douchebags. Is this the best use of your time? I mean, we are at war, 2 wars actually, the economy is shit, judges are getting slaughtered, gay people are getting their civil rights trampled on and you're worried about some fucking juicers in a professional sport?
Have you watched any of this crap? "Mark McGuire didn't say whether he took steroids or not." Oh, gee, now we'll never know for certain. Give me a fucking break. Of course he's a fucking monkey!
They all are! Giambi, Sosa, Canseco, all of them. Are you assholes blind? McGuire used to be a little skinny guy and practically overnight he became the fucking tank that he is. And do NOT give me this shit about "Oh Head, they have pro trainers and dieticians and can work out all the time. If you had that you'd see a huge difference too." I also hear that for all the actors too whenever someone packs 35lbs of muscle on for a role. In 4 months or so. Now I've been a serious weightlifter for 16 years. I've competed at it. Plus I'm a biologist. I'm fairly knowlegable about what the human body can and cannot do. OF COURSE THEY'RE FUCKING MONKEYS!
"Why would they ever want to do that to themselves?" I don't know, for millions and millions of dollars maybe?
And they always have the human interest story on how steroids ruined someone's life or someone's kid is in jail/dead now because of steroids. I love how they always describe the person when they were on steroids. "He was out of control. Once he got mad and punched the wall with his bare hand." Not that! Reminds me of this one time I was talking to this woman and she was saying her boyfriend was abusive. I was very concerned (the Head does not like domestic violence and will beat you down if you touch her you ignorant hick). Turns out he punched a wall once.
Give me a fucking break. People punch things when they're mad. Do you know how many walls and doors I've punched in my time? At the Head's ancestral home there are several strategically place pictures that cover evidence of my wrath. I've broken innumerable phones, several rearview mirrors, two car stereos, and one steering wheel. I've even punched an aquarium (no water in it, it was for an iguana). Is that because of steroids? No, I'm just excitable. I think it's a good sign that I'm punching an object.
"He was getting in fights." He's 19. That's what 19 year olds do.
"He was withdrawn and sullen." See above.
Am I saying that steroids don't cause mood changes? Well, I'm gonna Michael Moore you and go against the last few things I said: of course they cause mood changes. My point was how funny I think the stories are.
Back to the issure at hand. It's a professional sport. They're basically gladiators performing for our amusement. I say let 'em juice. Make for a more exciting game. More homers, better dunks, harder hits, all thanks to science. I hate the "Ruthian-home run/ smell of the grass" folks. "But it ruines the integrity of the game." "They're supposed to be role models." Fuck you, I wanna be entertained. I'll raise my own damn kid.

And now, for the Evil Doctor.

Uncle Jesse is an asshole. He's always against whatever criminal element is currently in town. He's a bootlegger! "Oh, those drug smugglers are evil but there's nothing wrong with some old white lightning. I'm a patriot." He's the fucking criminal. I'd love for ATF to kick down the door and take him away.