It never ends

Remember when we got robbed by those two hicks? Well we are still dealing with it.
So we got letters at the beginning of last year saying they were ordered to pay restitution to us. Months went by and no money so Lady Head called the call-these-people-if-you-have-any-questions people from the letters and left messages.
Nothing.

So recently I decided to take it upon myself to get our money from the fuckers. See, Lady Head - besides being pregnant - also does work throughout the day.
Me?
Not so much.


So I've been fighting the runaround. See, the fucktards that robbed us have been shuttled between the juvenile and adult systems, have had appeals, etc. and apparently nobody knows shit about shit. One guy is out of the state or something.

I guess here the bureaucracy usually discourages most people.

However, if these assholes think I won't waste weeks on end writing letters, sending emails, and repeatedly calling their punk asses leaving messages for them and their supervisors, then they are sadly mistaken. I have nothing but time to waste and I have more cell phone minutes than I could use in a lifetime.

I'll get our money.

Head. The Head.

I've got a giant, megahuge boner for Casino Royale.
The trailer is here.
Or you can look on IMDB for a smaller one.
I think Daniel Craig is going to make a fine Bond.
I don't like Penelope Cruz though. As Lady Head said, she's an example of long hair syndome. Take a not good-looking skinny chick, give her long hair and all of a sudden everyone is saying she's hot.

In other news, I am sad to say the Hardee's Boycott is on. They have great food but I just cannot take that philly cheesesteak burger commercial ("Whatta ya got thayer? A boiger?")
Gah! Just thinking about it enrages me.

Columbine Video Game

Holy crap.

Uhhhh.

Uhhhh.

Wow.

The site's creator, who identified himself in an e-mail interview only by the name "Columbin," told the Rocky Mountain News he wanted to make something that would "promote a real dialogue on the subject of school shootings."

...

"I was a bullied kid. I didn't fit in, and I was surrounded by a culture of elitism as espoused by our school's athletes." He added that he considered the killers, at times, "very thoughtful, sensitive and intelligent young men."

Scrubs and killin'

Hey Scrubs, you're a comedy!
Be funny.
Also, don't be depressing.
Do we really need another medical drama?

I recently read a back issue of Rolling Stone because Jack Bauer was on the cover. The article following the cover article was called "The Killing Factory" by Jeff Teitz. Wow, what a fucking retard. Here's a link to a blog that has it scanned in.

The article is about how boot camp prepares recruits to actually kill another human being. Should be an interesting article but it makes me want to punch thanks to the first page.

Here the writer explains to us that killing is unnatural and humans find it difficult to do. If he just left it here I wouldn't have minded. However he proves his point by talking about how humans were really opposed to killing each other in history. WTF?

He tells us that "Our ancestors only killed each other in extreme or ritualized circumstances."

Um...no. Seems like the whole noble savage idea we all hate so much. OK, humans in the small band stage. You're out looking for berries and shit. You meet someone not in your band of closely related folk that's not a chick. Fightin' and killin' time!
Also, I love the work on prehistoric tribespeople, like in New Guinea. Yeah, they're really opposed to killing each other [/sarcasm]. "What happened to your first husband miss? Killed in a raid on another tribes village, I see. OK, 2nd husband? Killed during a raid on your village by another tribe. OK, 3rd husband? Killed while hunting near another tribes village. Right-o.
1st son? Killed by rival. Sure. 2nd son?..."

Also, Jeff tells us that Visigoths and other barbarian tribes delivered "a lot of slashing blows but shrank from stabbing, because stabbng kills."
Huh?

Napoleon refused to go to war unless he had an artillery advantage because his soldiers were so reluctant to kill. Yeah, it has nothing to do with artillery's effectiveness.

Also, soldiers obviously intentionally missed in the civil war because they were often 100 yards away from each other and should have wiped each other out if they were actually aiming.

What a fucking tool.

This is part of a huge list of articles I've been disgusted by. More crappy mistakes, crappy writing, crappy research, etc. written by cocky, arrogant assholes.
I emailed the Evil Doctor asking if journalists are getting dumber or am I just noticing it more?

Also, I just read over this post and it's really poorly written.

Seinfeld

I cannot understand people who list Kramer as their favorite character on Seinfeld. That's like saying your favorite Simpsons character is Bart.
You people are nonthinking sheep.
Baaaa baaaa he's so zany.
Baaa baaa he's got funny hair.
Baaa baaa he's soooo funny.

The correct answer is George.

And some have made the argument that Dale Gribble is the Kramer of King of the Hill. This is wrong. Every character on that show is wicked awesome and anyone who doesn't like it can SMD.


P.S. Yes Evil Doctor, we all know you hate Seinfeld.

P.P.S. I'd also like to reiterate how shitty A History of Violence was.

Chef Tony is a douchebag.

So some of my collaborators had to send me sone stuff they took back from our recenet trip. They always send presents in their packages (wine, etc.) and this time included a copy of Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain. I know this guy also has a show on the Travel Channel that I've seen once. I kind of thought he was a douchebag in the show. They're in Las Vegas and he's going from fancy restaurant to fancy restaurant. He goes to Thomas Keller's new restaurant and orders fucking chicken. Now, I'm sure that it was good but I cannot understand how people can go into a fancy resaurant and order fucking chicken. I mean, it's fucking chicken!
Then he has to really see how good this guy's food is by ordering.... fucking french fries! Are they as good as the ones at his restaurant? I can't fucking wait to find out!
Long story short, they are and he's despondent. They remind him of his childhood - they're that good.
Then he walks around Vegas complaining about he wants to see it how it used to be, instead of how it is now. Then he goes into New York, New York. Here we go. See, Bourdain is from NYC and of course he's got to monologue about how great NYC is and how fucked up the casino is and how he misses his city, how it's exciting and dangerous, blah, blah, blah.

So I get his book and my impression that he's a world-class douche are pretty much spot on.
First of all there's a theme running through the book where he tries to convince you that he's "street", rubbing elbows with thugs and he's been around, you know what I'm saying. He refers to some person as a "fellow seventies survivor" 'cause it's soooo amazing he made it out of that decade. He really tries to go all regular-guy on us but clearly he's an arrogant prick. Interspersed with his stories about his rough life (and yes, I know he was in rehab and shit - but we're talking about a guy that went to Vassar, the Culinary Institute of America, and took cruises to Europe and ate better than I do now when he was a kid) he goes totally psuedointellectual on us, explaining culture and using terrible analogies and science. In that way he kind of reminds me of Jim McManus in Positively Fifth Street.
He also goes off on people who eat fucking chicken in resaurants!!!!
He spends a lot of time ripping on the celebrity chefs and the culture that they have created (I guess he fucking hates Emeril). I guess the hilarious part is that this is coming from a chef that has his own TV show (No Reservations) and several books that don't have a single recipe in them. What a fucking hypocrite.
Also, as in the episode I saw, this guy is one of those NYC-is-the-center-of-the-universe-fuggedaboutit dildoes. He talks about when he spent time in Baltimore and says something to the effect of how if someone is resigned to live in a "second-class city" then they deserve what they get. (Mainly because he had trouble finding drugs). What a great choice to host a show where the guy goes to places that aren't NYC!
Anyhoo, I can't believe I just reviewed Kitchen Confidential.

To keep it going, Aeon Flux was as awful as I expected. Staggeringly bad. On every level.
And I still can't believe that they got a fat girl to play Aeon instead of Milla.

Who am I thinking of #1. Clue 4.

Never mind - Tovo got it.

The correct answer is Brion James!

He was the ponytailed henchman in Tango and Cash.
The word jumble is "Wake up! Time to die!" from Blade Runner.
And the fill in the blanks are
"General Munro" - his role from The Fifth Element
"Replicant" - He was Leon from "The Blade Runner"
"Crimewave" - he was one of the crazy villians

Who am I thinking of #1. Clue 3.

Time to get some easy ones. Fill in the blanks. I'll give 3.

_ e _ _ r _ l _ u n _ _ (2 words)

r _ _ l _ c _ _ _

c _ _ m _ _ a _ e

Who am I thinking of #1. Clue 2.

Word jumble time! (number of words is correct. Letters/ word is not. Punctuation removed.)

TOTE WID KAE PIE UM

Good luck!

Who am I thinking of?

Bored and the blog posts have been sparse for a while so I'm going to do a contest called "Who am I thinking of?"
Each day I'll give a couple of clues and whoever guesses who I'm thinking of first gets the princely sum of $10 (via paypal).

I'm betting Kid Awesome wins this contest.


OK. I'm thinking about an actor. First set of hints (in haiku form):

O! Ponytailed thug
How mighty your razor is
Yet you died too young

Tennessee drivers

Yes, I am so lame that I'm going to do one of these posts. Yes, I know it's like a bad stand-up bit from two decades ago. Yes, I know everyone thinks that their state has the worst drivers. Yes, I suck.

I'm only really pissed about one thing. Down here in Nashville people don't pull into the intersection when they are waiting to make the turn. They sit at the same place they were when the light was red. And when the light turns yellow they still don't pull up. If they don't make the turn by the time it turns red then, shucks, looks like we'll hope to get that turn done on the next change. What's the hurry city slicker? C'mon in and set a spell. I've sat 2nd in line behind people for 3 light changes. And I rarely lay on the horn but by the 2nd, they start getting it. But now I just whip around them, which will eventually cause an accident I guess.

Fucking ig'nant hicks.

Mean Machine

Man, this is a truly awful movie. It's The Longest Yard, except in britain and with soccer.

And I don't mean "inspired by" I mean the same movie with the same plot, characters, and even lines (with appropriate substitutions of british slang).

And yes, I knew what this was when I put it on my netflix queue. I thought it would be entertaining and kind of surreal to watch. That lasted about 10 minutes. I made it to about 45 minutes before I just couldn't take it anymore.

Also, the Burt Reynolds character is played by Vinnie Jones. Now I like Vinnie in the small parts he has had. He plays a henchman or psychopath well but wow, he cannot pull off the lead.