My Prerogative. (I'm so witty and original)

Being Bobby Brown
Probably one of the best ideas for a show ever. Train wreck central!

The Head commands all of you to watch it and have a few drinks tonight.

Money quotes from the article:

In that article Bobby said he's poised for a comeback and he has more than 1,000 (!) songs ready to record.

He [Bobby] said he also would like to shoot another season of the reality show -- largely because having cameras around makes it easier for him to avoid using drugs.

Days after that interview, two members of Brown's entourage were stabbed during a fight at Justin's, an Atlanta restaurant owned by rapper/producer Sean "P. Diddy" Combs, where Brown was performing at an open-mic showcase.

The next week, a Massachusetts judge issued an arrest warrant for him for not appearing at a child support hearing.

A surprising side effect of work.

So I've been working on shit recently. And I've come to an amazing conclusion:

When you're busy the day seems to go by faster.

I'm serious. It's already 2:21pm. This "Do Stuff" theory of day advancement almost works as well as the "Show Up at Noon" theory.
I need more data of course, but if this holds out it may join the ranks of such paradigm-shifting revelations as "If You Don't Smoke a Pack of Cigarettes at the Bar You Feel Less Crappy the Next Day".

I'm such a loser.

Yeah, I'm obsessed here at work with the whole Tom Cruise thing.
Good Lord, he's crazy as fuck.

And fuck Scientology as well.

Why I'm liking this job.

I won poker last night, went out drinking, slept in, got in at 11:30.
We got this big grant so we're going drinking on our boss right now.
Yeah, it's 12:30.

Boom Boom Boom

That's what's going on inside my head right now.
Why?
Aviation Cocktails. Gin, cherry brandy, and lemon juice. See, the problem (or solution?) is that since we went to Gary's cocktail thingamabob we now have the technology and skills to make martini-strength cocktails that taste alcohol free.
And I smoked what was probably the biggest cigar ever made.

Which reminds me, I was at the gym and these punks were posturing to each other about what badasses they were. The one was trying to show how big of a badass he was by trying a DeNiro-describing-Joe-Pesci-in-Casino tact (You know it: "If you beat him with your fists he'll come back with a bat. If you beat him with a bat he'll come back with a knife. If you beat him with a knife he'll come back with a gun..." etc.) except this was what the guy said: "If you hit me with a brick I'll come back with a cinder block. If you hit me with a bat I'll come back with a tree."
I guess it's one of those things where "you had to be there" but it was pretty ridiculous. Especially when you add the fact that the guy saying this had his skinny arms waxed, was in a skintight, sleeveless, iridescent shirt, and had a pageboy cap on. While he was working out.

Clear omissions to Spin's Top Ten

OK, here's my top 8 albums of the last 20 years. Only mainstream-type stuff (as in rock/rap/etc. that people will have heard of). I only did 8 because in about an hour I'm going to think of one or two that were obvious.

Paul's Boutique - Beastie Boys (also maybe "License to Ill")
...and Justice for All - Metallica
Vulgar Display of Power - Pantera (OK maybe just me on this one)
Black Sunday - Cypress Hill
Raising Hell - Run DMC
The Chronic - Dr. Dre
Appetite for Destruction - Guns n' Roses
Undertow - Tool

Other potential albums that aren't in my top ten but I couldn't argue with them that much:
Tragic Kingdon - No Doubt
Core - Stone Temple Pilots
Nevermind - Nirvana

Are you fucking kidding me?

Radiohead's OK Computer tops a crappy top 10 list of the best albums of the last 20 years. PE, NWA, and Nirvana I can see, and maybe De La Soul.
More to come when I'm not working.
Your nominations?

John Carpenter, eat your heart out.

I just watched the remake of Assault on Precinct 13 and it's probably the greatest movie ever made.
I mean, richly drawn characters, suspense, action, a twisting plotline; it had it all.
I love how they took your "standard action movie" and "turned it upside down." I was suprised by how it wasn't what I expected.
It was amazing. Ethan Hawke is the best actor ever and should get an academy award.

Lawrence Fishburne was super scary as the villian (or the hero?? who knows? This is the kind of awesome mindfuck that the movie uses to rivet you to your seat).

And Ja Rule is in it too. He's so fantasic. He keeps it real. Brings some "street" to the picture.

I should just kill myself now because nothing else in life will top this experience of watching The. Perfect. Movie.

I was so entranced by the movie that I wouldn't get up to pee. I couldn't imagine being away from it for that long, pause button or no. So I pissed in my martini glass. Some spilled, but I blamed it on the dog.

Really though, breathtaking cinema. And there was also these sweet bonus features that took you "behind the scenes" to talk with the artistes that realized this masterpiece. Both the screenwriter AND the director. True Craftsmen. It was awe inspiring.

Heresy!

I know this will sound odd coming from me but bacon does not belong on every sandwich.

Salami belongs on every sandwich.

That is all.

Meh.

Well, I was getting my ass handed to me last night in cards but my nemesis convinced me to buy-in one more time and I ended up pwning everyone and making a tidy profit. An I did it while continuously drinking whiskey.
So I got that going for me.

Still haven't heard back from Nature yet. Which I gather is a good thing since most of the time you get rejected right away. 9 days and counting.

Pretty excited about Batman Begins. Christian Bale is dreamy.

Scientology makes me want to vomit. Katie Holmes is a slut. I was excited about Factory Girl until I heard Edie Sedgwick was being played by Mrs. Maverick.

Is it wrong for me to think that Bewitched looks good?

Greedy fucker. "Oh, I just can't take care of my family on $125M." Although I think it's fucked that he wasn't allowed to remain anonymous.

And for Christ's sake they just admit anyone in the Order of the British Empire. "Oooh, he's a big actor (or rock star). That's 'valuable service to the Empire' as I see it."

I really got nothing today.

Assholes at graduation



Just read this. What assholes. You all know how much I hate people ruining graduations because they're assholes that have to make a meaningless political statement all the fucking time. I'd link the previous post but I'm too lazy.

Those faculty with the sign behind Conan should be fired.

God, people are assholes.


A typical day.

Logan Square representin'!

Meanwhile...

Hard at work.

Ruining my mood.

Sean Penn is such a self-righteous asshole.

I got a Odwalla drink today and here's what it says on the side:

"Odwalla was started in Santa Cruz, California by three musicians with a vision for a better planet."

WTF does them being musicians have anything to do with it???
Oh, right, because musicians are more in touch with everything (see Bono). My bad.

I'm pissed I bought this bottle.


P.S. Nashville just got a kickass radio station. The last three songs were "Back in Black", "Rock me Amadeus", "Shakin'", and right now "Jungle Love" is playing (o-ee-o-ee-o).

High rolling again.

Had the 2nd best weekend, moneywise, in poker. Just absolutely dominated.

Drank quite a bit. At the party everyone did want American Beauties but they were hit or miss due to the ridiculous strength of the rose syrup. So I invented a new drink. The Joan Collins (props to Lady Head and Fiona for the name). It's a modified Tom Collins. Gin or vodka, cointreau (or simple syrup), lemon juice, and marischino syrup. Pretty potent but, unfortunately for some, it doesn't taste potent. Faks you up good.

Lady Head's birthday (28) is tomorrow. Yeah, she got a car for her birthday. You know how we do.

I'm withdrawing my application from that fellowship. Turns out it's a pretty big clusterfuck. They said they were interested in me but none of the three preceptors I picked were available soI had to choose other ones. I said "Huh, that's strange. Who is available? And they said they weren't sure, I'd have to contact blah blah blah." Soooo, fuck them.

My boss is picking me up for another year. I need to get going on some shit though. We're going into the field next month so I can get started on the scaling project.

Lady Head, Deano, and I submitted a manuscript to Nature. Wish us luck.

Talk to you later.

What's the rumpus?

So tonight we are going to Mrs. Canadian's and Lady Head's birthday party.
Since it's at the Canadians' it a theme party (see previous White Trash party). The theme is Roaring 20's/ Depression era 30's (since Lady Head is still in her 20s and Mrs Canadian is turning 30 - get it?). I'm bartending and am only making drinks from the era (excepting American Beauties which are the birthday girls' choice. Although I might has well made it an American Beauty party b/c once anyone sees one of those everyone's gonna want one. I bet I go through 3 roses). These parties are hilarious because they're basically hard liquor affairs because that's what is supplied. If anyone wants beer they have to bring it. And rarely does anyone bring anything so they're stuck drinking what I'm making them.
So basically you have a shitload of people that barely ever go out for a single beer drinking martinis and shit. They get fakking LLLLLOOOOOOOAAAAAAADEEEED. Usually after the 2nd hour or so there are chinese postdocs hanging from chandeliers and someone's naked. Scientists are total lightweights.
And my boss usually tries to put me into some kind of wristlock or chokehold and I stuff him into a closet.
Details to follow.

I'm so zen.

In the interest of debating questions with no answers (one hand clapping, etc.) I pose this:

What is Mario Van Peebles' worst movie?



(I just blew your mind)

Jet Li is the fucking best.

I wish I was Jet Li.

STFU! You got a B!

A nice article on grade-grubbing. I fucking hate these people.
For those of you lucky enough to have avoided ever grading someone, grade-grubbing is whiny students coming to you after the final grades are posted and trying to get you to change their grade.
Typically it's either B students wanting an A or a failing student wanting a D (some that had low F's actually wanted me to change it to a C instead of a D - total douchebags).
You're a complete asshole if you do this.
I fucking hate them. The audacity is amazing. Back in my student days I couldn't imagine calling a professor at his/her office (or home) and complaining about the grade I got. Yeah, and I did walk across campus, uphill both ways, in 3 feet of snow without shoes. Eat it suckas.

You can't handle the shitty acting!

Watched Hoffa the other night. God does this movie suck. You know your movie sucks when Sylvester Stallone did a better version of it.
Typical transparent overacting by Nicholson and De Vito. All you need in this movie is Pacino screaming and DeNiro scowling and it'd be the perfect big-time actors movie shitfest.
And WTF is up with having De Vito play the thuggish henchman? You just can't take him seriously when he's intimidating people and shoving them around.
Also, this movies suffers from the classic Mamet I'm-a-tough-guy-so-I'll-repeat-myself-right-away syndrome. De Vito does it here. If you don't know what I'm talking about watch Heist. Classic shit. Nobody talks like that.

Oh, fuck it...

MARTINI NIGHT!

New quotes I like

"facts are stupid things"
- Agassiz

"quotably, anecdotally, drunk"
-Steve King on Dylan Thomas (not Stephen King, you turds. Also, how much of a drunk do you have to be for Charlie Chaplin to rebuke you?)

"The two of you are accomplished at both the art of drinking and the science of acting sober. Remaissance men, indeed...."
- Gary Regan

Why'd you miss the symposium? 

I feel so good I'm gonna take someone apart tonight

I feel like a world beater today. I'm just friggin' awesome.



Carry on.

My Princess can out-vomit you

Inspired by SEDA's comment on Lady Head's blog I felt I must share something with all of you.

Lady Head is the best vomiter evah!

Seriously. She's a pro.

Let's look at a couple typical vomiting experiences of someone who's not Lady Head.

1) "YYAAARRRRGGGHH! I am fucking AWESOME! WOOOO! Gimme a shot. Whatever dude, I don't care. Hey. HEY! C'mon dude do a shot with me. C'mon pussy. Dude don't be suck a pussy! What's that? Some kind of pussy drink? Jack DANIELS! Hey! Two Jack Daniels! Alright dude, this is to you and me." -gulp-
At this point you start sweating, staring downwards, and holding onto the bar with an underhand grip. You do the watery spit, someone says "Hey are you OK" and SPLAT! all over the bar,carpet,Shirt, shoes, etc. People try and help you out without actually touching you and much embarrassment has been caused.

2) OK, you're not like that. You're on your 10th sangria (Joanne makes the best fucking sangria). All of a sudden you don't feel so well. Being the seasoned drinker, you recognize the symptoms and hightail it to the nearest john. Let's say this time you make it. Pretty proud of yourself? Why? For you the party's over. No one can talk to you. Ooh, the tile is so nice and cool against your face. "Please go away. I'm fine." And you'll be monopolizing the bathroom for the rest of the night. And maybe your friend that was about to hook up with that hot neuroscientist has to try and get you home while worrying the whole time if you're going to be OK and staying with you so you don't choke on vomit like Jimi Hendrix.

Now let's examine one of Lady Head's typical vomiting experiences.

She's been pounding straight stoli's since 1pm. After she just told you EXACTLY what she thinks of your lameness she walks in the other room. Her hot husband walks in and she's in the living room with a bucket. Yep, not only did she walk to the laundry room and got a bucket to prevent a mess, but she's not monopolizing any bathrooms. And she's talking to you. "Do you want me to leave Lady Head?", "No you're fine." and she just has a conversation with you RIGHT THERE AND THEN THEREFORE ALLEVIATING WORRY ABOUT HER CONDITION. And the party isn't over for her, no one has to leave, and her friend gets hot neuroscientist sex. Shit then we play Cranium and her sculpting skills win the game for her team.

You're all a bunch of sissies.

Yay!

Our fridge blew up!

We need to go buy a new one!

It's gonna cost a bunch of money!

All of our food is spoiling as I type this!

Yet I'm still at fucking work!

Yay!

P.S. Note the addition on the sidebar. I have no idea why I didn't link this earlier. I lost track of it for a while but it truly is "The Best Page in the Universe"

P.P.S. Some of you have not posted in a long time and are dangerously close to getting the ax during my sidebar downsizing.