Remakes, comic books, or sequels

Every movie coming out for the next three years pretty much falls into one of those categories.
Saw The Fantastic Four last night. Was pretty entertaining but Dr. Doom was kinda lame.

Saw a trailer for The New World. Let me guess: Colin Farrel, while being a total asskicker, is a troubled soul that's desperately searching for meaning/redemption. He somehow comes into contact with a group of noble savages that at first are his enemy but eventually he comes to respect these proud people and they teach him a little bit about life, love, and dancing. Uh-oh, now he's got a choice to make. To go back to his old life or stand with them and fight against his white people who are going to ravage the people/land (as whiteys do).
I liked this movie the first time they made it when it was called The Last Samurai. Wait, no I didn't, that movie sucked ass. OK, Dances with Wolves. No, I hate Kevin Costner. Oh, I got it - The Mission.
Whatever, jerks.

P.S. I consider The New World a remake of all those other ones so my statement still stands.

P.P.S. Note the return of Mr. Wells on the peeps list. Welcome back old man! Good to see you're back.

So fucking hot

Hot today. Hot yesterday. Probably be hot tomorrow.
So Lady Head hates it when it's hot out (like really hot, around 3 digits and humid) and people are running. I'm fine with that, working out is supposed to suck. What I can't stand is when people are eating outside. IT'S TOO FUCKING HOT OUT YOU ASSHOLES!
Seriously, there are some people that will eat outside anytime they can. Ever go out with them? "Let's sit on the patio (or 'terrace' if they're real assholes)."
Christ, are you fucking kidding me? I'm flirting with heatstroke here. Let's get into the air-conditioning right fucking now. God, are you a douchebag. Unlike running, you're supposed to actually enjoy eating.
And don't give me that shit about "Some people like the heat." Have you ever looked at them? Sweating buckets, panting, and they barely touch their meal.
I feel bad for the poor waiters too. Running around so leatherface can dine in the fresh air.
I used to think this was strictly a northern quirk since, due to winter, there's only a portion of the year where you're able to eat outside so, come summer, you want to cram as much picnic into the year as you can. But no, even down here in the confederacy where summer reigns from roughly March to November these same idiots still abound. I'd have thought they would have had more sense than that. But look who I'm talking about.

In other news I've discovered (rediscovered?) the joys of cream soda. Jones Cream Soda to be exact. Have I been missing this all my life or have my tastes changed over the years.

Also, Hell's Kitchen looks like the worst show ever put on the air. I've never seen it, so it may be the best show ever put on the air but I doubt it. Who the fuck watches this crap? Who wants to see some asshole yelling at people who are sucking the proverbial dick to get 15 minutes of fame or some money or some shitty contract. Who greenlights this shit? Who looks at it and goes "That's a hit!"?
I can't believe programming has gotten so bad I'm criticizing it.
Et tu TV?

Is it the mid-90's again?

Ebonics rears its ugly head again.
Let's see, will it help more inner city kids go to college? FAK NO! Because they don't speak ebonics in college you dumb fuckers!
I'm exasperated with this. I can't believe I saw this in 2005.
(via Tongue Tied)

News flash!

I watched Constantine this weekend. It was pretty crappy (I like the comic book...er...graphic novel) but it's worth watching for one reason. Keanu Reeves is in it, and his acting is not the worst in it. Congratulations Rachel Weisz!

On a side note, one of the side Disney channels started running The Tick. The cartoon, not that shitty live action shit. SO I got that going for me.

Perspective, people

So I'm watching one of the celebrity poker shows on TV and they all play for charity. These kind of shows are always priceless. Invariably, they're each talking about the charities they're playing for and I laugh/want to punch. It always goes something like: 1) "I'm playing for "Caring for Children of Families with AIDS. These children have been through so much and need our help.", 2) "I'm playing for a foundation that gives reconstructive surgery to women that have been the victim of domestic abuse. It gives them the opportunity to start rebuilding their shattered lives.", 3) "I'm playing for the Whatever Fund that assists 3rd world citizens to become self sufficient. These people have been living in abject poverty and this charity helps them start climbing out of that cycle.", and 4) "I'm playing for VH1's "Save the Music" because music is soooo important to our children and many school music programs are underfunded. This is a tragedy because we cannot let these children grow up without music."
Which one of these is not like the other one? Which one of these does not belong? (make sure you sing this in your head.)
WTF? Always some uber-rich rock star doing this too. After everyone else has already told us about their charity - making it look even worse. Now I like music (hate most musicians) but let's get a little perspective people. Band for little Brandon or food for an orphan? Hmmm, tough one.

And shut-up, I realize that money going to one doesn't neccessarily take money from the other but it's just creepy hearing about all these other charities and some douchebag with too much gel in his hair is getting all passionate about Save the Music.

Maybe work your way up to some goddamn bananas!

Happy Birthday HST (and RIP).

I can't fucking believe that just when I thought that the anti-marijuana commercials had died down a whole new batch is born. Now they are talking to the parents.

"Just because you smoked pot when you were young doesn't make you a hypocrite when you tell your children not to."
This commercial is a variation of what you could call the "Monte Carlo Fallacy" idea of drug use. That you were lucky enough to survive your youthful drug use but your kids are rolling the dice again and "due" to have problems.

And my new favorite anti-marijuana commercial is the "Todays pot is stronger than when you used to do it."
Who gives a fuck? It's marijuana. So you get higher off of less. It's not gonna kill you.
These people make it sound like heroin. It's weed people. Relax.

Being Bobby Brown Part Deux

Holy shit. Being Bobby Brown is even better than I ever imagined in a million years. Train wreck doesn't begin to describe the wonder that is this show.
If I could have sex with this show I would.
(As an aside, I am totally serious, unlike the Assault on Precinct 13 post.)
Bobby and Fat Whitney all coked up, Bobby drunk as hell, his kid in tow. Gah! You have to see this show. It makes life worth living.

I am awesome.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

If there's a hell, this guy should burn.

For you lazy, non-link-clicking people it's an article about a little league coach (for 8 year olds) who paid one member of his team to hurt another one because the player was mentally disabled and the coach didn't want to put him in (like most little leagues, there's a rule that says everyone on the team has to play a certain number of innings).

I really have nothing else to say about this.

I'm a star!

Whew! Back from the trip. See Lady Head's blog for a description. In a nutshell, it's slogging through a marsh every 4 hours 'round the clock. Bugs, shitty weather, mud, exaustion, etc.
Thanks to everyone that posted. Wait, that's not right. Thanks to the Evil Doctor for posting and screw the rest of you.
So normally I'd take a couple of days off after one of these trips to recover but this time I can't because Nigel Marven and a film crew are coming to do a documentary (well, it will be part of a documentary) on our critters and I'm in charge of the animals. It's cool because I like Nigel's stuff a lot (he's so much better than The Crocodile Hunter, etc.) and they are paying me.
So, instead of doing the world-changing research that I normally do, for the next week I'm their bitch.

What a cunt.

So the Head Household gets the "Real Simple" magazine.
The tips and recipes in it are good but the stories are fucking atrocious.
Things like self-righteous people "living off the grid". Everything's solar, their kids take snowmobiles to school, etc. Nevermind that it costs a fucking shitload of money (that obviously these people have) to do this, they're real assholes about it.
Basically it's rich people complaining about perceived problems that no one else would worry about or getting all self-righteous about some shit or other.
So, this past issue had the fucking worst story ever.
For those of you that get the magazine, it's the "What cost friendship?" article.
Basically it's one of whaat I believe is a series of articles about shitheads telling us about how they lost a friend because of some stupid reason.
This one was priceless. A woman was fretting (yeah, I live in the south so I can say that) about sending her kid to private school. Her father was diagnosed as not having much more time to live so his financial planner said he might as well dip into his principle to live life to the fullest before he dies. So he tells this cunt that he'll take care of Cunt Jr.'s education. Well, the cunt starts saying how he's spending more that he thought, with trips to China, etc. and pretty soon the money runs out. How ever will this cunt pay for li'l cunt's education (see putting her back in public school is not an option because the public school recently made cuts to stuff like the music department and such)?
We she gets her inheritance from her parents which are assorted antiquities, her grandmother's jewelry, etc. and she's agonizing about selling this stuff. Then she comes across this Renoir print that was given to her father by his best friend that is the father of this cunt's best friend (they grew up together). So she goes on this spiel about how much the painting means to her and decides to call her friend to offer to sell the painting to her since it has so much shared history between them. So she explains the situation to her friend and her friend says "Sure I'll buy it. Don't worry about li'l cunt's education."
So this cunt thinks "Wow, great! She's gonna pay for my daughter's remaining YEARS of education."
So she gets money from her friend and pays tuition and is planning on shipping the print to her.
Well, before long, another tuition payment comes due. She calls her friend and her friend's all like "WTF are you talking about? I dind't mean I'd pay for all ofher education. I just said I'll buy the art from you to help you out."
So this cunt now feels betrayed by her friend. She then decides to keep the painting because of her memories of it. She writes her now former friend (she decided to end the friendship over this) and say she's keeping the painting and proposes a repayment plan in monthly installments.

The whole article was written in such a self-righteous way on the part of this cunt. It's totally worth reading just to get your blood up. Better than espresso.

P.S. I'm going into the field for a week starting tomorrow. I will be out of contact. I expect you lazy fuckers (see my whole contributors list for who I'm talking about) to post in my absence.

P.P.S. I mean it this time.

U2 sucks.

Gah! I can't stand Bono.
Here's a recent article.

I love how he refers to his old hat as "a hallowed symbol of U2" and "an icon of sorts to many U2 fans, and its place in band history mattered."

What a delusional dick.

Yeah dick, real original.

linky linky
So Spielberg remakes War of the Worlds and now he's remaking Sword of Gideon? And they don't even mention Sword of Gideon until the end of the article.