Wednesday, January 25, 2006

A Sad Day for Cinema





R.I.P. Chris Penn. The best actor in the Penn family by far.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Bauer-mania

Just saw this. One repeat in it.

30 Random Jack Bauer Facts: All True

1) If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

2)Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

3)If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

4) Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

5) Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

6) Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

7) 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

8) Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

9) Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

10) Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

11) Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

12) If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're fucked.

13) Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

14) When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

15) Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.

16) Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

17) If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.

18) If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.

19) When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

20) Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

21) As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"

22) Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

23) In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

24) Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

25) Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

26) Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.

27) When terrorists go to hell, if they say Jack Bauer sent them, they'll get a group discount.

28) Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.

29) When you come face to face with Jack Bauer, you can do things the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is ingesting your cyanide pill.

30) Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

Is it them? Is it them?

So I watched War of the Worlds the other day. Ridiculously bad. Then Sunday afternoon I watched The Interpreter. I can't decide which movie is worse.
Other than that I had an excellent weekend gambling and will be purchasing something exciting soon that I will tell you all about.
24 kicks so much ass. Although it wouldn't be 24 without one frustrating storyline where I yell at the TV "You dumb bitch!" or something similar.
Plus The Shield is awesome (despite Hot Rod's trolling). Now Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday are the best TV nights ever. When I wake up on Wed. morning I wish it was Sunday.
I lead an exciting life.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Larceny!

Yep. We were robbed again. This time they stole our riding lawnmower when I was in bed (see Lady Head's blog).
R.I.P. The Slappywag.

Also, I hate Dakota fanning.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Rump Shaker

Good Lord do I hate American Idol. Unfortunately, Lady Head loves it. It was on during dinner so I couldn't leave.
Basically I hate all the singers and I hate Randy Jackson (What's up dog?). But most of all I hate Simon. Hey look at me! I'm an world-class asshole! As the seasons progress I'll start going way over the top with my douchebaggery too because I'm a bad boy that people love to hate and that's my schtick. Also, the befuddlement with America is old (Is this what people in America do?). When did you become fucking Hugh Grant?
I think an awesome show would be someone comes on, Simon insults them, and they freak out and shoot him. I'd watch that.
Also, and this will emasculate me, why is Ryan Seacrest still on this show? He's bigger than that. He's guest hosting the big shows, NYE, etc. Fuck American Idol. You've moved on.

But all is not lost. Jack Bauer is totally ripping shit up ninja-style in 24 and the Shield is friggin' awesome so far.

Edit: Good news! That' 70's Show will soon be gone! And Arrested Development is rumored to be fielding offers from other networks, and King of the Hill may get some new episodes
Can the return of Futurama be far behind?

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I think I'm becoming obsolete.



Seriously, both of my email inboxes are empty for long portions of the day. Nobody emails me anymore or responds to my emails in a timely fashion (with the notable exception of the Evil Doctor - who isn't afraid to get in a nice 40 emails an hour exchange to pleasantly kill an afternoon). Too busy, too important, too something.

Where has everyone gone?

P.S. I'm expecting at least one "busy and important" response form a special someone.

My life is complete again

The Shield is back on. I don't know what I'm going to do when 24 starts up again on Sunday.

In other news I went to Arby's last night for dinner. I hadn't been there for months. So I'm getting ready to order the Big Montana and I don't see it. WTF? They now have 3 different sizes of roast beef sandwich, lamely named "regular", "medium", and "large".
So I get the large figuring it's probably the same thing as the Big Montana or maybe the Giant.
Holy shit, it sucks. It's got, what I figure is, the same amount of meat than those other 2 sandwiches but it's on the little "regular" bun. Screws up the whole bread:meat ratio (and sauce:meat ratio). They way I figure it, they started doing this so they didn't have to get different sized buns. Fucking bean counters.
Fuck you Arby's.

Kind of like the whole "The Kong Whopper is actually a double instead of what it should be - the triple - because it's their big fancy promotion and hardly anyone gets triples so in order to sell more sandwiches they'll sell out and call the double the Kong whopper - thing"
Fuckers. My whole culinary world is collapsing.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Kong

Saturday we went to dinner at Tin Angel with Mac and J-Money. Then the ladies went to our house to play some 8-bit nintendo (they still live in the stone ages) while J-Money and I went to see King Kong. I thought it was fantastic. Now that's a fucking movie. J-Money said he would put the middle 3rd of it up against any other action movie. I agree whole-heartedly. The fight between Kong and the T. Rexes alone was worth the admission. The natives on the island were creepy as fuck, the non-Kong animals were creepy as fuck as well, and Kong himself was awesome. You really felt sad at the end (I wanted him to fuck up all the planes and live).

Oh yeah, like the Ash-hole said, I was making fun of him for his "young, hip professor outfit" the other day. Saturday I was his clone.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Trigger words

I remember the Evil Doctor telling me about some guy on trial for assault or murder or something. His problem was that he would fly into a rage everytime he heard a certain word (I can't remember what the word was - it was "Tuesday" or something).

Recently, on the Ash-hole's visit, we got into a discussion about how much I hate the term "blue jeans." Not "jeans" - I say that all the time, but "blue jeans" irritates me. Not so much that I'm going to punch someone but I really dislike the term.